Eternal Love
by YaoiQueen95
Summary: Yumichika runs away after Ikkaku finds out about his sword. Them after they are reunited Ikkaku has one month to earn Yumi back but there is someone working to keep them apart. I stink at sumaries so just give it a try. This is yaoi don't like dont read.
1. Pain

**I don't own bleach wish I did but I don't sad I know.** _The zanpakutou speaking well be in italics. _**Well I've been meaning to write an Ikkaku Yumichika fanfiction but it took me forever to get started and them I just didn't like the stories I came up with so I ended up writing this I hope you like it. **

**Beta reader: Nejilovesyaoi (thank you for the help :D)**

**Ok so this was looked over by Nejilovesyaoi and edited so from the 9/8/09 this was edited and I added some more things to it on 11/10/09.**

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Chapter 1: pain

Yumichika walked slowly back to his captains office he was going to ask for another mission to the world of the living. He felt so utterly hopeless he had known that his relationship with Ikkaku had been falling apart for a long time, but it didn't make it any easier to accept. He had never thought Ikkaku wouldn't hesitate to say those things he had known that it would happen but still he had hoped. What he hadn't known was that Ikkaku wouldn't come back for him at all. He walked in and tried to smile at his captain and vice-captain... but he couldn't Ikkaku had destroyed his heart, his very existence was shattered. He slowly sat down on the chair in front of his captain.

"What's wrong weirdo-chan?" Yachiru asked. As she and the captain turned to look at him. He smiled sadly and replied softly for the first time in a long time unsure of himself.

"It's nothing," Yumichika replied looking up at the small girl. "I wanted to know if there was a mission available for me?"

"You just came back from a mission, didn't you?" Kenpachi asked looking down at his fifth seat even though he would never admit it even if tortured he could tell that the slighter man was sad beyond words. '_Something most have happened while in the world of the living.' _He thought. '_I'll send Yachiru to find out what.'_

"Well... yes I did." Yumichika answered looking out the window behind his captain. He was searching for Ikkaku. Desperate to know where his lover or whatever they were now was.

"Them why do you want to go back?" He didn't really care but he knew that out of all his squad members Yumichika was the one that avoided anything that might get him dirty at all that included fighting. Added to that the fact that Ikkaku wasn't with him raised more questions.

"I just want a mission that's all."

"Find whatever you leave in two days." Kenpachi replied without any further questioning.

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Yumichika stared out over sereitei he was back and would soon be gone again, but he knew that this might be the last time that he ever saw the beauty of this place again all because of his sword. All because Ikkaku hadn't accepted it. He wondered if he should stay here or just run and never come back. It hurt to know that he wasn't important enough for Ikkaku to forgive him it have been a whole day since Ikkaku had found out about Ruri'iro Kujaku and he still hadn't come back home. Why did it hurt so much? He was used to pain but this was much worse them anything that he had felt before.

Ikkaku had broken his heart and now he really didn't know what to do, at all. Yumichika stared at the open sky and smiled sadly today should have been a happy day after all they were back home after a three week mission yet there was nothing to be happy about. Yumichika headed for their home, an apartment, that should have been their vice-captains but she had given it to them. It had two rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room enough for the two of them. Yumichika looked at the kitchen how many times had he been in there cooking Ikkaku his favorite food for dinner or lunch and how many times had they kissed with all the passion in them or made love in that house? He didn't know. All he knew was that Ikkaku had left him for good. Yumichika wiped the tears that were running down his face away and walked to their room.

He opened the drawers and closets and took out everything he owned he had been thinking of given back everything Ikkaku had given him but it was to much to ask for all those little things and the expensive ones too, meant everything to him, and were all that he had left of what they once had together. Yumichika dragged out the beautiful blue kimono Ikkaku had given him a few months after they had met, it was old, but it meant so much to Yumichika he folded it neatly and got the suitcases that he'd be taking to the world of the living. He folded every kimono and kissed them most of them were gifts from Ikkaku. He heard the door opening and felt his heart lift it had to be Ikkaku. He realized instantly that it was Yachiru. He turned and watched as she walked into the room.

"What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she noticed the tears running down his face.

"I-its nothing." He barely managed to say those simple words.

"Them why are you crying? Did baldy hurt you?" Yumichika winced he knew his vice-captain would kill if those that she held dear were hurt by anyone. He looked at her softly and smiled sadly for the millionth time that day.

"It's nothing Yachiru we just had an argument. That's all." He told her turning back to his packing. Yachiru walked over to him and hugged him.

"Them why are you leaving?"

"I have too. I don't have anywhere to go now. I'll stay in the world of the living until Ikkaku forgives me."

"But... what if he doesn't forgive you?" Yumichika winced a little at that. He had already wondered the same thing, and knelt in front of her.

"Them.. this is.. goodbye Yachiru. Without Ikkaku next to me.... Well it'd be like you without Kenpachi." Yumichika had paused before the comparison he knew Yachiru wouldn't understand but he was glad to say goodbye to one of the few people he actually loved. He hugged Yachiru and went back to packing and soon he felt Yachiru hug him tightly before leaving.

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_'Why does this hurt? I thought that If I left them it would be better but.. I don't want to go. It hurts so much.'_

_Maybe because you're packing your bags and throwing away everything you ever cared about Yumichika. _

He'd known it'd be like this; that Ikkaku would yell at him and look at him with anger and hatred. He'd known and still the pain was consuming him. It felt like his world was falling apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it. All he wanted was for Ikkaku to forgive him and for him to learn to love him again. Maybe someday, but right now he needed to get away from the pain in his heart.

So that's how the fifth seated officer of the eleventh squad got up and walked out of his old life, and turned his back on the person dearest to him; his one and only love. All he could feel was the pain in his chest and the tears running down his face as he reached the world of the living. As the wind blew he whispered his goodbye, knowing that no one could hear him or be there to comfort him as he drowned in his pain.

"Goodbye Ikkaku, I will forever love you and miss you. I hope that you'll be happy even if it is without me. Even if you can't share the happiness. Forgive me my love for the secret.

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**Plz review and make me a happy girl and It'll make me update sooner too ;)! This gets better I promise!! **

**I have reread my story and so far I have made to many mistakes so I am going to add to some chapters and take away or whatever I think is needed which means it well be a while before I add the last chapter or few chapters I'm not sure.**


	2. Fear

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Well heres chapter two hope you like it and I again I dont own anything. I wont always update this fast because I have to go to school and all that but It's summer and I have more time on my hands.

**Beta reader: Nejilovesyaoi**

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Ikkaku walked down the hall to the room he shared with Yumichika. He hadn't seen him in two days considering he hadn't been in these rooms since their argument. He slid the door open.

"Hey Yumichika are you here?" There was no response. He went inside, trying to find his lover and ask for forgiveness. He looked around and there was no sign of him; which was strange because Yumichika always left a brush here or a folded kimono there, but now there was nothing. He opened the closet and found that all of Yumichika's clothes were gone. He had a bad feeling about this as he went into the bedroom and found that all of Yumichika's hair products and anything he liked, including books, were also gone.

"Where the hell are you?" he whispered, trying to fight down the growing panic. That's when he saw that Yumichika's diary was on the nightstand next to the bed. He picked it up and opened it to the last entry, two days ago. It was in Yumi's neat handwriting but the page looked like someone had cried while writing it.

"It's happened just like I feared. He hates me. All I know is that he didn't come back like he always does when we fight, so I don't think I can stay here any longer. He was the reason I became a member of the thirteen protection squads. Now that he knows about ruri'iro kujaku I can't stay in the eleventh anymore, so I have decided to leave and get away from here. I hope Ikkaku doesn't hate me forever and I hope that my leaving will calm him down. I hope he'll be happy. "

Further down the page was a note for him. It read:

Dear Ikkaku,

Please forgive me for keeping Rui'iro kujaku a secret from you, but I knew how you'd react if you knew and I didn't and still don't want to lose your love. I will try to remember all the good times we had together and not all the pain that I am feeling right now. I'm so sorry Ikkaku. Please forgive me as I have forgiven you.

With love,

Yumichika Ayasegawa

Ikkaku swallowed the lump in his throat. Gently running a hand over the diary, he held it with all the care in the world as he lay down on the bed. The bed still smelled like Yumichika. Soon enough he felt his eye lids become heavy as he drifted into a restless sleep.

_Ikkaku walked forward, going into the forest where there were people and animals, but as soon as he got close they left. He kept on walking noticing that Yumichika wasn't with him. He kept on walking for what felt like forever until he came to a clearing. There was a man curled up sobbing softly and trembling. As Ikkaku went closer he noticed that it was Yumichika. He ran forward to comfort Yumichika and find out who had made him cry, so he could kill the bastard. _

_"Yumichika! What happened?" he asked worry written all over his face. As he pulled the crying man closer he realize that there were cuts all over his wrists, arms, legs, and face. Added to that, he had already lost a lot of blood._

_"Yumi! What the hell happened? Who cut you up? Answer me."_

_"This... you did this remember. This is nothing compared to what it felt like while you yelled at me and insulted me or while you threw away all the love I ever gave you! This is your doing!" With those words Yumichika pulled away and tried to get up, only to fall down as he became dizzy from all the blood he'd lost._

_"I would never hurt you Yumichika! I can't hurt you! You're my whole world! I love you! I would never harm you in any way! You know that," Ikkaku whispered as he walked over to Yumichika again._

_"Really them how come you broke my heart and never came to find me to tell me all of this. If all of that is true then tell me why I'm no longer with you Ikkaku Madarame!"As the words were spoken Yumichika's body began to fade away, and as Yumichika's form faded completely Ikkaku awoke, trying to remind himself that it was just a dream._

"What the hell was that?" he mumbled as he wiped the sweat off of his face and images of the cut up Yumichika crying ,broken, and worst of all alone flowed into his head.

"Yumi I'll find you. I have to make sure that that isn't real that you're okay and that you know that I am sorry about everything!"

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**I hope you liked it and plz review. Why should you review well because I am ONLY going to update once I get TWO reviews (not that much) for this chapter other wise well you'll have to wait until I feel like writing more so again REVIEW ;)**


	3. What happened that day

**I hope you like this chapter sorry it took a while but I really didn't like where it was going and I have been working an another story that I'll be posting soon too so I totally forgot to post this and it was just siting in my note book and typed on my laptop too. I the next update I hope to make before 9/9 cuz its my brothers birthday and school well make it more difficult for my to do anything. CURSE SCHOOL!!**

**Beta reader: Nejilovesyaoi **

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"Why the hell can't I go?" Ikkaku yelled. This was so stupid he'd been coming to Kenpachi's office everyday for two weeks and still they wouldn't let him go to the world of the living. It was all because of the fact that Renji, Rukia, Ichigo, and now Yumichika were there already so they didn't see why they would need to send another soul reaper out there. It still annoyed him. He wanted to find Yumichika now but because of the idiot Renji being there and the fact that he was a higher seated officer really didn't help the fact or make it easier to accept. If he knew Yumichika, which he did better than he would have liked, he was either sad or pissed.

"Come on can't you find something I can do in the world of the living. I've been asking for the last two fucking weeks if I could go."

"Nothing I can do about it so deal with it. Now leave Ikkaku ."

Ikkaku ran out of the office and back into their room. He still couldn't get any sleep because of nightmares and when he was awake all he could see was Yumichika; memories of them in rukongai or of them in soul society and the last time they'd talked to each other which wasn't a very happy moment.

** XXXFLASHBACKXXX**

They had been fighting a hollow, which they'd defeated in no time, and had turned around to go back home to soul society after a three week mission and they hadn't noticed until it was too late that the hollow hadn't been alone it had come with an arrancar which hit Ikkaku and sent him flying into a building. Yumichika had cried out his name and barely avoided a blow to the head. Ikkaku had gotten up and ran to help Yumichika.

"Hey! Your fight's with me idiot!" Ikkaku said, as he released his shikai and attacked only to have every attack blocked. Yumichika had already started to bite on the tip of his thumb.

"IKKAKU BEHIND YOU!!!" Ikkaku felt the blow to his back and crashed into a building again but he couldn't get back up. He felt the arrancar coming closer and wondered if this was the end as he managed to look up at the arrancar, and watched as it raised its sword to finish him off. As the sword came down, to his surprise, all he heard was steel on steel. When he opened his eyes he saw Yumichika standing in front of him, his body trembling from the weight of the much larger arrancar. The arrancar pulled back and landed a few feet away. He watched Yumichika kneel down in front of him and check his pulse but he never took his eyes of his opponent.

"Ikkaku please tell me if you're awake." Yumichika's voice sounded unsure so he tried to tell him he was fine, but no words escaped his lips. He watched as Yumichika got up and charged the arrancar.

"How dare you hurt Ikkaku!" Yumichika released his shikai, and all Ikkaku could do was watch and hope that Yumichika didn't let his guard down like he had. He watched as Yumichika danced on the battle field gracefully like always, but the arrancar was pushing him back and Yumichika was already out of breath. Ikkaku could tell that Yumichika wasn't paying much attention to the battle, too worried about his condition. To Ikkaku's shock and worry Yumichika was sent flying and landed next to him.

"Ikkaku I'm sorry." Ikkaku heard him whisper those words, and tried to get up to help Yumichika who had gotten back up and stood in front of him.

"Split and Deviate Ruri'iro Kujaku" and to Ikkaku's shock the four sickled blade turned into azure vines which were now moving to grapple and ensnare the arrancar who kept struggling, trying to get free but couldn't. As the flowers blossomed it was all over. Yumichika grabbed two of the flowers and sat down in front of Ikkaku who was looking directly at him with anger and disappointment, but he would face whatever was going to happen when it happened.

"Ikkaku bite the flower, please." Ikkaku bit down on the flower but Yumichika could tell that he would regret healing Ikkaku.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Ikkaku had growled, getting up. Yumichika just stayed silent and stared at the ground.

"You've been lying to me all this time? Does that mean that our relationship was just a sham so you could see how long you could hide that pathetic sword of yours?" Yumichika felt as if Ikkaku had just taken his heart and shattered it across the floor.

"NO! It wasn't like that. Please Ikkaku I..."

"Save it! I don't care anymore! Your pathetic I thought that we had something special, and that you'd never keep something this big from me!" Ikkaku growled at Yumichika who just sat there and listened, trying to not cry, not here, not now... but he couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

"And just so you know you, ugly bastard, I don't ever want you to come near me again you hear me, Yumichika?" He picked Yumichika up by the collar and to his surprise Yumichika was crying and there was so much sadness in his eyes. 'What had he done?' a small part of him wondered, but he was too pissed off to really care.

"I don't want you to come near me. You're no longer anything to me!" He knew at that moment that he was saying anything to watch Yumichika break, and he'd gotten what he'd wanted. Ikkaku let go. He expected Yumichika to land on his feet and insult him, but to his surprise Yumichika fell and stayed there, sobbing. The next thing he said was now haunting Ikkaku day and night.

"I...didn't tell you because I was... afraid. I knew that you'd act… well...like this. All I have to say Ikkaku is that... I will honor your wish... I won't go near you again. I just want you to know that I... will always... love you. And that all the times that I spent with you... were the best in my life... and that it was all real...every moment was real to me and I hope...that they were to you too." Yumichika had whispered more after that but he hadn't heard any of it, and as Yumichika got up and left he felt so shocked, lonely, and...guilty. He had just broken a promise he'd made the first time they made love... to never make him cry.

** FLASHBACK OVER**

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CHAPTER OVER!! Well the was sadder them expected. Hope you liked it and I want some reviews please!!


	4. Yumichika kidnapped

**Yay chapter four hope you like it. And thank you for (some) of the reviews I'm glad some people like this story. And like always please review and before I forget any reviews that have something about mistakes I make well be taken into consideration but if I dont find anything wrong and some of my friends don't either the review well be ignored and/or deleted but If I find mistakes them it well not be deleted that is how I work with my reviews. Anyways again as a reminder italics are the zanpoktuo speaking also anything with ' its the person talking in there mind.**

**Beta reader: Nejilovesyaoi**

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** THE WORLD OF THE LIVING  
**  
Yumichika sighed sadly and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't bother putting any accessories on as he walked out of his room. It had been three months if he included the two days he'd been in soul society. He wondered, not for the first time, if he should have stayed in soul society and wait to see what would happen. See if Ikkaku was really that mad. He sighed again and left. He was going to go to Mizuho's house to remember the days they had spent there and how he had glued a wig to Ikkaku's head. A sad smile crossed his lips as he remembered those days spent laughing and fooling around. This was the longest he had ever been apart from Ikkaku since they had become friends so very long ago.

'Damn why am I so depressed? This is what he wants isn't it so shouldn't I be happy that he's happy?'

_Just because this makes Ikkaku happy doesn't mean it will ever make you happy Yumichika._

'Who would have thought that this would bring us closer together Ruri'iro?'

_Yeah, now are you done sulking about your precious Ikkaku._

"I don't think I'll ever be done sulking about it."Another sigh later and he felt a fight was going on right now. It was Renji and Ichigo and he picked up Ruri'iro and flash-stepped to where the fight was happening. As he arrived Rukia landed next to him, only to find three more of the same kind of arrancar that had attacked Ichigo and Renji. One of them sent Rukia flying to the right and the other attacked him. He avoided the attack with ease and jumped back. The arrancar kept on attacking him, pushing him far away from the group.

_'It's a trap Yumichika. I just know.'  
_  
Yumichika attacked, ignoring Ruri'iro kujaku's warning. The arrancar looked at him with a twisted smile on his face.

"You know you and that bald, asshole friend of yours killed my brother," it said; its voice as bad as the sound of someone running their nails down a chalk board.

"Your point? It's our job to kill ugly creatures like you."

"Really but you see we know about your sword and Gin wants to see it in person."

"What are you talking about Gin is dead," Yumichika replied, annoyed by this stupid creature.

"No no, he's not, and if you don't come with us he'll kill your bald friend. So you have two options: 1) come with us and your lover will be safe, or 2) you can try and run but we'll just kill Ikkaku. So choose; you or your lover."

Yumichika just stared at the arrancar. There was no way Ikkaku would get killed by it but if Gin was alive them Ikkaku would die, and with his life he could save the only person he loved.

_Don't do this you can protect Ikkaku on your own, and he won't keep his part of the deal you know that._

'I have to ruri'iro he won't forgive me and I'm not going to go against what he wants. I said I wouldn't go near him that's what he wants'

_Yumichika please don't! He also said you weren't anything to him so why bother! Why do you care? Why help him? Why protect him? He broke your heart Yumichika, for crying out loud he made you cry for the first time since you've known him!'_

'Because I love him and I have to try. I have to do something and if this can help them I'll do it.'

"I'll go with you. You have to promise that Ikkaku won't be harmed in any way."

"But of course." The arrancar answered, as he appeared in front of Yumichika and knocked him out. The other soul reapers soon appeared only to find that the arrancar had their comrade and that if they attacked Yumichika would die.

** ONE DAY LATER IN SOUL SOCIETY**

Ikkaku had gotten out of bed the same way he had for the past three months without Yumichika. He had followed his daily routine and gone to the training field for some practice with the other members of his squad. He hadn't been paying too much attention to what he was doing and still wished he could go to the world of the living. That's when he noticed the Senkaimon on Sokyoku Hill to the world of the living was opening. Once the blinding light that came with it disappeared he could feel Renji's, Ichigo's, and Rukia's sprite energy, but there was no trace of Yumichika's. So he waited a while to see if there was a message for him. What he was told wasn't what he'd expected.

"Third seat Ikkaku Madarame please report to Captain Zaraki's office as soon as possible." said the hell butterfly after landing on top of his head.

"What happened?" he asked between pants as he crashed into the captain's office. As he finally regained his breath he realized that Renji was in there which was weird considering he didn't belong to the eleventh squad.

"Ikkaku sit down." As Ikkaku sat down he wondered what was wrong and why Renji was in here and why Rukia and Ichigo weren't with him he could still feel their sprite energy and more importantly where was Yumichika. Renji took a deep breath as he apparently continued what he had been saying before Ikkaku had crashed into the room.

"We were very surprised when we encountered such a powerful arrancar. To be honest we were caught off guard."

"Who were the soul reapers present during the fight Renji?" asked Ikkaku. After hearing that they had encountered a powerful arrancar it made him worry about Yumichika more.  
"Well it was Ichigo and I at the start of the fight but Rukia and Yumichika arrived a short time later. Once we were all there three more of them showed up and we were separated." Renji swallowed nervously as if he really didn't want to continue any time soon...but he really didn't have a choice.

"Ichigo and I finished our fight first by releasing our bankais and Rukia caught up with us after that but..." Renji took a deep breath he knew Ikkaku was going to be mad. Considering the fact that Yumichika had been very depressed before the fight he wouldn't be surprised if Ikkaku had caused it. That didn't mean that the bald soul reaper didn't care about Yumichika, and that's why he really didn't want to say anymore with Ikkaku here fearing for his life which Ikkaku could easily take away.

"When we were all together we went to find Yumichika but... when we got to where he had been fighting the arrancer... the arrancar had captured him and we were unable to attack for fear of it killing Yumichika. The arrancar opened a garganta and left with Yumichika."

Ikkaku didn't say anything but they could all feel his sprite energy rise to a murderess degree. He knew that Yumichika could have won against anyone and the fact that he'd been alone meant he could use Ruri'iro Kujaku without worry. Ikkaku got up and walked out of the room and flashed-stepped back to their rooms wondering if Yumichika had used his real shikai or just the partial release. Was he hoping that the arrancar would kill him? And if he was, then was it his entire fault? There was a knock on the door. He went to open it to find Renji there.

"I'm sorry Ikkaku."

"Was he okay before the fight?"

"He wasn't himself. He seemed sad, and well, he stopped wearing the orange thing and feathers. Also, when we weren't out patrolling the city he'd lock himself in the room Urahara gave him and I think that he was...crying in there," Renji said, and watched Ikkaku sigh sadly and look up at him with guilt in his eyes. Renji wondered if he should tell him the rest of the differences he'd noticed about him. He decided to keep going.

"He did go out a few times. I followed him and it was to places that you two had visited when you were there, but he was really upset. Rukia and Orihime tried to cheer him up but that failed big time. Also, he wasn't calling himself beautiful, or for that matter he didn't seem to care about it at all. When Rukia asked him what was wrong he said that he no longer had a reason to look beautiful and had smiled really sadly before walking away." He watched Ikkaku flinch at that.

"Renji can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure what is it?"

"Is there any way that you could get a few people and help me find him?"

"Hm… I think so but what happened between you to. I have never seen Yumichika so upset before, or for that matter say he had no reason to be beautiful, and I've known both of you for a long time now too."

"We had an argument, that's all."

"Ok whatever I'm going to go ask Ichigo."

_Now you've done it. You got your wish. Yumichika won't ever come near you again. Apparently he made sure he couldn't go back on his word even if he wanted to.  
_  
Shut up hozukimaru I'll find him even if it kills me...and you for that matter.

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**Has anyone noticed but every chapter is longer them the last and so far I think that Chapter 3 was the best one. Also as you can tell I upload both at the same time cause I hate this chapter but I think the next one well make up for it. Next up the not so happy reunion!!**


	5. The not so happy reunion!

**Heres chapter five and I know it's better them the last one (I think and hope) anyways here's where I reunite them.**

**Beta reader: Nejilovesyaoi (thank you for finding all of the run-on sentences)**

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Ikkaku ran down the hallway as fast as he could, leaving his companions behind. He could sense Yumichika up ahead, but something was off. He was weakened; close to death maybe. The only sounds in the hall were the sound of their feet on the ground and the panting as he ran with all of his might. He was so close to finding him, so close to seeing him again. Ikkaku and the others came to a stop at a giant door.

"How are we supposed to open that?" asked Renji. As he finished his sentence Ikkaku cut the door down. He knew that Yumichika was there behind that damned door and it'd take way more than that to stop him from finding Yumichika now.

"Does that answer your question Renji." said Ichigo with a goofy grin on his face.

"Shut up!!" shouted Renji. He was getting pissed off.

"That's enough both of you. Ikkaku has already gone inside while you two were fighting." As she said that she went inside and saw Ikkaku sitting on the floor with Yumichika in his arms. The smaller man looked so pale he looked almost dead.

"Ikkaku is he...alive?" Rukia knew he was, she could feel his sprite energy, but he wouldn't be so for much longer. She walked closer to see how Yumichika looked and was horrified. She could tell that his arms and legs had been broken. He'd been beaten over the few days they had taken to get here. He looked horrible and in a lot of pain.

"Yumichika please answer me," came Ikkaku's hushed voice.

"...hm...Ikka...ku." Yumichika's eyes fluttered open. He looked up at Ikkaku and tried to smile but Ikkaku could tell that he was in great pain.

"Yumichika you'll be okay I promise." Ikkaku whispered and watched as Yumichika's eyes rolled into the back of his head and there was no more movement from him.  
"We have to get him to soul society," Renji stated, watching his old mentor lift Yumichika up as if he were the most precious thing in the world, and with a nod he flashed-stepped outside and to the gate to soul society.

Yumichika survived...but he had gone into a coma. As days turned into weeks and the weeks turned to a month, Ikkaku rarely left his side. He'd only leave to go to the restroom in the room, eat or take a shower. He watched Yumichika sleep as Unohana finished the healing, but Yumichika still didn't wake up. And as the month turned to a month and a half Ikkaku got the surprise of his life as Yumichika's eyes fluttered open and he looked around slowly, until his gaze fell on Ikkaku. Ikkaku saw hope flash through the beautiful eyes but soon enough it was gone and he looked away from him.

"Why are you here Ikkaku?" came the soft voice. Those had not been the words Ikkaku had expected.

"Why wouldn't I be here Yumichika." he replied, wondering why Yumichika had asked such a stupid question.

"You said that I wasn't anything to you so why are you here...is it just that you regret saying that and are here to make yourself feel better... or maybe it's because you got what you wanted. You just want someone to push around...or maybe this is just a figment of my imagination." Yumichika mumbled never looking at him.

"Yumichika I'm here 'cause I..." Ikkaku was cut off as Yumichika kept talking.

"No that can't be. Ikkaku doesn't regret anything, and...this is just a dream then."

"Yumichika are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay! The person dearest to me broke my heart and now I think I'm talking to him, but that can't be because he wants me to stay away from him which means this isn't happening because Ikkaku hates me now," he replied, looking at him for the first time since he'd woken up and tears were forming in his eyes as he continued.

"Do you know why I wear the feathers and the orange collar and handcuff?"

"No you never told me."

"I wear them for you cause on the day we first met you called me beautiful and it made me so happy. I wear them because of the kimono I was wearing that day. It was orange with red and yellow feathers, so I wear them to remember."

"Then why did you stop wearing them?" Ikkaku knew he shouldn't have asked but he wanted to hear Yumichika's voice even if what he said broke his heart. A few moments later Yumichika looked at him as he responded sadly.

"...Because...you took my beauty away when you called me ugly. I gave you everything I had since the day I became your traveling companion. I have given you everything; my heart, my soul, my body, my love, my trust, and my companionship. I gave you all the love I had and you threw it away. I gave you my heart and you broke it. I gave you my companionship and you told me to never go near you again. Every word you said to me hurt more than you can ever imagine. I even stepped on Ruri'iro kujaku's pride; my pride so that you'd be proud of me."

"Yumi I'm so sorry." Ikkaku meant it, and he also knew that it would never be the same. He knew that at best they could still be friends and at worst Yumichika would never talk to him again.

"You think that's enough, that I'll just pretend this never happened... I can't... I'm sorry I just can't. I love you. That will always be true but I can't just forget all of the things you said to me....I have loved you for so long. Almost as long as we've known each other... and you've never caused me so much pain. Ikkaku I'm sorry... I really am... but I can't. I don't think... I can survive any more of this. I would love it if we could just forget it ever happened... but it did... and you didn't even try to understand me... Ikkaku, and I waited for three months... I waited hoping that you'd come and that everything would be okay. That you still loved me. That you would be there for me. Every time I went out I hoped and prayed that when I went back to Urahara's you'd be there." Yumichika sobbed as he let the tears run down his face.

"I..." Ikkaku sighed he had never been good at making people feel better and he'd never needed to make Yumi feel better.

"Do you know how much Ruri'iro kujaku hates me. He sometimes doesn't even talk to me when I call to him, all because I called him a nickname so that he appeared to be a power based sword. Every day he tells me that I deserve better...but I don't think there is anything better than spending my days with you." Just as he finished talking Unohana came into the room.

"Oh good you're awake. I'm glad. How are you feeling?" she asked in that gentle voice of hers.

"I've been better," Yumichika said; no traces of the sadness that had been there a few moments earlier.

"Well you'll be all better soon and in two days you can probably go home too." she said, smiling. 'What home?' he wondered. Unohana walked over to the bed and checked his pulse and all the other things doctors check. As she got up to leave Yumichika began to talk, a note of regret in his voice as well as something else. What was it doubt?

"Captain could I ask you a favor?"

"Of course Yumichika what is it?"

"Could you bring me the paperwork that I need for a squad transfer?" Ikkaku stared at him in shock. Yumichika was leaving him, and he couldn't stop him.

"Yes, but I hope you have though it all through carefully Yumichika," she said, but received no response from Yumichika. As she left Yumichika braised himself believing Ikkaku would be pissed.

"You're leaving me Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked softly and truly saddened.

"I said I would honor your wishes and stay away from you Ikkaku. This way it'll be easier. Even if it feels wrong to me at least you'll be happy." He said trying to smile...but he couldn't.

"I don't want that. I don't want this for that matter. Stay in the eleventh squad Yumi please."

"I'll think about it Ikkaku, but I don't know. I'm so confused... everything was so simple...I never thought you'd find out... and I always wished you'd accept it." Yumichika sighed and looked at the ceiling as if it could answer everything for him.

"I've accepted your sword I swear. I know that that's not the problem so let's make a deal you'll stay in the eleventh squad for a month and if I can't convince you to stay in that month then you can leave. And if you choose never talk to me again, although I would prefer it if we stayed friends truly, but if I convince you to stay the sword will be our secret and we can be friends...or go back to how we were before this," Ikkaku stated, looking at Yumichika hopefully. Yumichika looked up and stared at him and smiled nodding happily.

"Deal Ikkaku," he said, looking at him. To his surprise Ikkaku got up and walked to the bed. He sat down next to him and lifted the covers. Yumichika moved a little to the side as Ikkaku lay down next to him, and pulled him closer to himself until Ikkaku lifted Yumi's head so that it rested on his chest.

"Rest Yumi." Ikkaku whispered softly and kissed the top of his head.

'Maybe there is some hope. Ruri'iro don't you think so?'

_I'll believe it when I see it Yumi._

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**Well how was it I couldn't help myself I need to put some hope at the end of this chapter or I know I'd regret it I hope you liked it and please review. :D Also before I forget I would like to thank Lia-Osaka92 for telling me about the mistake I made even if it made me a little sad and no offence but next could you try and be more tactful anyways thank you!**


	6. You are not alone

**Chapter 6: You're not alone!**

**I'm so sorry all my chapter got messed up and I didn't noticed and all my copies of this had disappeared so thank Nejilovesyaoi for this cuz she was my beta reader at the time and still had this copy so thank her. Enjoy and sorry a million times bows repeating sorry**

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**Two days later**

"Finally, Yumi can come home at last."

_I wouldn't be so happy. It's going to be hard to get him to love you again... if he'll even consider forgiving you. Plus Ruri'iro hates you and always will._

'Wait you knew; and why does Ruri'iro Kujaku hate me?'

_He hates you because you're the center of Yumichika's world and because of that Yumichika gave him the nickname he hates so much._

Ikkaku continued packing all the things that Yumichika would want: a change of clothes, a mirror, lotion for his hands, and a brush. He sighed; he was nervous after all. He couldn't mess up because he wanted Yumichika here with him not; in another squad where he could get hurt or killed. After all, he took most of the fights for a reason. He couldn't stand to see Yumichika hurt, and every time Yumichika went to the world of the living without him he came back hurt. At least when he was there he could try to protect Yumichika.

_I have a little comment to make. You're a wimp!_

'For loving Yumichika?? How does that make me weak? He's the reason that I haven't gone completely insane!'

_Again, wimp! Wake me up when something interesting happens._

Ikkaku got up and headed for the fourth squad. All the while thinking of how he was going to show Yumichika that he belonged in the eleventh squad no matter what, and that he still loved him with all his heart. Ikkaku went past the clerk and went to the room that Yumichika had been in for the last few months. He opened the door and went inside. Yumichika was asleep which was weird. He rarely got to see Yumichika asleep.

"He hasn't awoken since you left this morning," came the soft, gentle voice of captain Unohana.

"So can he still come home, or not?"

"Yes he can go home. Now come this way. I need to show you the medicines that he needs to take, and at what times. Also, he shouldn't train or do anything besides rest for at least a week." That made Ikkaku sigh in relief, at least now he knew that Yumichika couldn't go around trying to get himself killed. It also gave him a week to be with him outside of their work.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Ikkaku lifted the sleeping Yumichika off the bed and flashed-stepped to the 11th squad's barracks. He walked into their room and wondered if he should set Yumichika down. After a few moments of pondering, Yumichika's eyes opened he looked around with sleepy eyes.

"Where am I?" As this left his mouth Yumichika yawned and looked at Ikkaku with a sleepy look. 'How cute,' thought Ikkaku, smiling down at the sleepy man.

"Home, where you belong."

"I see," Yumichika replied, although there seemed to be doubt in his voice.

_Yumichika stop acting so weak. It's ugly!!_

'How am I supposed to act when I feel like all of this is a lie? That he's doing this because we've known each other for so long or maybe because he saw me cry for the first time. I feel like my life right now is fake and that he's just doing this because he feels responsible. I don't know how to go back to being who I was when I knew he truly loved me!'

_Why don't you talk to him? Then maybe you'll know what's real?_

'Wait, did you just tell me to talk to Ikkaku? Usually you just say that he's an ass and ignore me after giving me a headache.'

_.... I have nothing to say to the Ikkaku being an ass part because he is one, but whatever you feel affects my world, and right now its dark and it's raining ! I HATE THE RAIN! YOU CAN'T FLY IN IT AND I CAN'T SEE MY BEAUTIFUL SELF!!_

"What's wrong Yumi?"

"Can you stop calling me that? Please."

"W-why? I've always called you Yumi." Yumichika didn't answer, just turned his head away. Ikkaku put Yumichika on the bed gently and wondered if Yumichika still believed that he was doing this because he felt it was what he had to do, not because he loved Yumi.

"I'm going to make some tea Yumi... I mean Yumichika." It felt weird calling him by his full name. He hadn't done that when they were alone in so long, that it felt strange. It made him feel like he was truly losing his Yumichika, if he could even say it like that anymore.

Ikkaku stared at the pot, still wondering what he was going to do to earn Yumichika back. He knew that Yumichika was doing this because he believed that that was what he wanted. He walked back to their room only to find Yumichika gone. He dropped the tea and ran to the spare bedroom only to find that Yumichika had walked over here and lay down on the extra bed.

"Why did you move Yumichika?"

"That's your bedroom now Ikkaku. I no longer belong there," came the soft reply. It made his chest hurt to hear that.

"Yumichika please go back to the bedroom. I'll sleep here if you want but I won't have you thinking that this isn't your home. It's as much yours as it is mine." Yumichika smiled sadly.

"No Ikkaku. I'm staying here. It's easier this way." 'For when I won't be welcomed here anymore,' he thought, and regretted it instantly as a sob escaped him and he hid his face in his hands, just letting himself cry. He expected Ikkaku to leave him in his sorrow and loneliness again. To his surprise he felt Ikkaku's arms around his shoulders pulling him closer.

"What's wrong? Tell me, I don't want to see you like this anymore. I want to see you smile again." Yumichika was trembling as he cried his heart out yet again.

"Ikkaku I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're doing this to make me feel better I know but... I feel like I'm being a burden... I don't want that. I said I would honor your wishes and I will. I will do anything you ask of me but... I want to stay with you so badly... I want to hold onto you just a little longer... I know that's selfish... but I don't want to be alone... ever again. I really don't... but I also realize that I've lied... to you for so long... and that it can never be the same," Yumichika said through sobs as he clutched onto Ikkaku as if his live depended on it. Ikkaku stared at the sobbing man in his arms and felt guilty again. How could he have done this to Yumi?

_Stop crying Yumichika!! If he hates you forget him!! He has a month to prove that he loves you, and if he can't do that then forget he ever existed and move on!! Do you know how many people would give anything to be with you?!_

'I can't move on. I've been with Ikkaku for so long. He's all I've ever known and loved. He's my whole world and I would stay with him even if he beat me half to death. There is nothing that can make me hate him and that's what hurts the most. I love him so much! I never thought that I loved him this much!! I just want it all to go back to how it was back in Rukonngai when we met it was so easy them.' Ikkaku pulled him closer. Why was this happening? Why had he said those things and why didn't he know how to comfort Yumi? Why couldn't Yumichika see that he wasn't alone; that he would always have him there even if it wasn't as his lover?

"Yumichika you're not alone. I'm here with you now and always. I'll never leave you. Do you understand Yumichika?" He felt a hesitant nod and lifted Yumichika's face up and kissed his forehead.

"I love you. You know that don't you?" He saw a change in Yumichika's eyes. There was happiness in those purple eyes, but it was still mixed with doubt and the happy smile wasn't there. He remembered that when he said those words it usually brought a light squeal of pure happiness, with a smile, and his eyes would shine with so much love. A hug would follow with a passionate kiss. Now there was only a sad smile completely fake and a nod that was barely noticeable. Yumichika was touched that Ikkaku was trying but it still felt fake.

_What the hell do you want from him, Yumichika? He just told you that he loved you so why are you still sad?!_

' I don't know Ruri'iro. It feels so unreal. I know that he's trying but I just don't think this is real. I don't know what to believe. I want him to say that to me when the feelings are real not because I'm crying, not because he thinks it'll make me feel better.'

"You're not alone Yumichika. I'll always be here for you. You know that right?" After a few moments he continued.

"Please Yumichika just smile again, if not for me then for yourself. Please be happy again. I know that I caused you so much pain and that I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please just go back to being the narcissist that I fell in love with so long ago. I'm begging you to just forget me if that will bring you happiness, Yumichika! I want to see you happy again even if it's not for me. I don't care if it's not for me I just... I just want you to be happy!" Ikkaku was shocked when he felt the first tear fall and then another. Yumichika raised his head to look at Ikkaku and felt a tear fall on his forehead. Ikkaku was crying and begging him to forget so that he would be happy.

"The month starts tomorrow Ikkaku we shall see what fate will bring us," he said in a shaky voice, trying to hide the shock he felt. Ikkaku lay down with him in his arms and soon they both fell asleep.

_They love each other so much. It's like they don't realize that they are both trying to make the other happy even if he hurts himself. It's true love so very beautiful. Don't you think??........ Wake up Hozukimaru!!_

_.... I guess if they can figure out that they love each other more than they imagine. __It will make them stronger Hozukinmaru!! They will grow closer you'll see!!_

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**AT MIDNIGHT**

Yumichika awake from his happy dreams filled with love that he felt were long gone and stared at the sleeping man next to him and couldn't help but smile at Ikkaku he looked so peaceful when he slept it was one of Yumichika's favorite things to do watch Ikkaku sleep. He usualy talked to Ikkaku in his sleep knowing that said man wouldn't wake no matter what. He couldn't remember when he had strated talking to Ikkaku when he spelt all he remember was all the times that he had told Ikkaku about his day, about ruri'iro and all of his fears as well. It was so easy when he knew that Ikkaku couldn't hear him and scold him or be mad for his foolish behavior.

"Hey Ikkaku." Yumi whispered softly.

"I'm sorry for forcing you to do all this. I know I'm being very selfish for allowing you to worry about me when I'm able to take care of myself, but I want to spend a little more time with you... even if its just a month. You after all saved me from the dark world I was in." Yumi sighed and put a shaking hand on Ikkaku's face.

"I was so lonely when we met but I was so afraid of letting you get close to me I feared that you'd be just like all the other men who tried to get close to me. They would treat me nicely at frist but them...they would rape and beat me. So when I met you and you saved me from the beating and showed me kindness I was confused. Yet soon enough I felt at ease with you and felt complite. And only 25 years after we met I fell for you. I realize them and there that I'd die for you without hesitantion. And I want to be happy for you this month after all... It well be my last with you and in soul society. I'm going to kill myself at the end of this month so that you can find someone else. Someone who'll love you and care about you as much as I do, but I know that if I were alive I would feel betrayed when that happens." Yumi whimper ever so slightly but anyone who knew Yumi knew that when he talked like that he meant what he said.

"It'll be my final act of love for you just like everything I do. I'm giving up a dream for it for you want to die in battle and I want to die next to you when that happens or in your arms while I tell you that I love you and that I want you to be happy. I wanted to die in your arms in the arms that saved me and protected me. I wanted to die in happiness knowing without a doubt that you love me,but I know that that is to much to ask for. I well die alone just like when I was in rukongai in the darkness as it shallowed me up in pain and despair knowing that I'm still weak." Yumi looked down at Ikkaku and leaning forward he kissed Ikkaku softly.

"I love you and that is why I'm doing this because when this month is up you'll find someone else and I don't want to even think about you touching another as tenderly as you did me or of anyone else touching you while I wait who knows where for my death hearing about you and your new lover. You were the first person I ever gave my body to on purpose and I well never give my love or body to anyone else. So that you can find someone to love again I well live this world Ikkaku and I wish to tell not to feel guilty when you or someone else finds my body." Yumichika looked out the window and sighed Ikkaku would never know that he would die and there for he would die alone with no one would care or miss him there was nothing for him.

"I love you Ikkaku forever and always." Yumichika let himself cry and he felt ashamed for being so weak and smiled sadly as he laid down again cuddling next to Ikkaku kissing his chest. Soon enough Yumichika was asleep, but unknowen to Yumi all of his words were heard by Ikkaku who now realize that if he didn't keep a close eye on Yumichika he would kill himself after all Yumi had almost killed himself before in rukongai. Worst of all there were shadows listening and enjoying the pain that Yumi felt something worst them anything soul society had seen before.


	7. The first two days!

**Hi people!! Sorry I haven't updated in well since Yumi's brithday which would be about 25 days. Anyways I still haven't got the edited version from my beta so please don't give me a hard time I did the best I could with very little time because of school. I'm hoping to finish this in story with about three to five more chapters. Also I now that some parts that I usually have in bold print or italics aren't there that's because I am having issues with technology.**

**Beta reader: none for now**

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**After midnight**

Ikkaku stared at the sleeping form next to him, he took Yumichika's left hand and raised it to his face the scar was still there, from so long ago, from rukongai before they'd met. He couldn't believe what Yumichika had said. Yumichika was going to kill himself he couldn't understand how that conclusion had been formed. He wanted to tell Yumichika that he needed him here with him. Yumichika was everything to him and hearing that had sent him into turmoil. He watched and felt regret nagging at his heart as the slighter man snuggled closer to him. He loved him so much and every time he thought about what he had said to him it angered him to no end that he had hurt Yumi that much to the point that Yumichika had given up on his life. Yumichika had suffered so much in his past to the point that when they had met Yumichika had been injured in many ways and terrified of everything, more precisely everyone. He wouldn't trust anyone and when Ikkaku had earned his trust he'd made a very loyal friend. Now he was losing him and Yumichika was going back to his old self, unsure about himself, afraid of letting anyone in, and frail, truly frail, to the point that anything could break him. He was tring to distance himself even if Ikkaku would never say it it worried him and terrified him to no end that Yumichika might die and it'd be his fault.

"Yumi why are you hurting yourself?" Ikkaku whispered gently running a hand through Yumichika's purple-black locks. He remembered that Yumichika had always loved those long locks he used to have but Ikkaku had said he would look better with short hair and the next day he had found Yumichika with short hair his face had been filled with regret at the loss of his long hair. He knew deep down he had just never realized it that it cost the slighter man pain to lose things that he loved to please Ikkaku. Even now Yumichika was doing everything for Ikkaku, to try and make him happy. He had never thought on it before but learning about what Yumichika was going to do to himself he wondered what he would do if Yumichika weren't here which made him wonder what would Yumichika do if he died but he already knew the answer to that. He felt worse still how had Yumichika felt when he had begged for death after his fight with Kenpachi? What would have happened them? He remember how after Kenpachi left Yumichika had run to his side and tried to help him up but as soon as he tried to Ikkaku had pushed him away. He realize now that the look he had gotten was one of pure hurt and a longing to help, to protect, and to care for him. That also made him wonder what would he have done if Ichigo hadn't patched him up after their fight? He pulled Yumichika closer to himself.

"Why was I so blind to your pain even after all this years I forgot that you have been very gentle to me, that you gave me your trust, and I've been a brute to you, but you still stayed by my side. Even when I pushed you away, even now when I hurt you so much you still wish to spend time with me and it hurts to know that I never even considered your feelings. I never wondered how you felt and now I realize that you could have found someone who would have given you everything that you could have ever wanted yet you stayed with me even when I'd forget things like you birthday and I'm so very sorry for that. I really am. Yumi you deserve better for all the horrible things you've gone through. I have always known I never deserved you. I don't deserve that smile, I don't deserve to be able to call you my lover, and I don't deserve your love." He told the sleeping form in his arms. It was a cold dark night, he could hear the rain drops hitting the roof and the thunder roaring outside as if angered with Ikkaku for been so careless about Yumi's feelings and for not being understanding about his shikai. He felt Yumi sift and looked down as a smile appeared on Yumi's face and his name was whispered softly by the sleeping man.

"What are you dreaming about Yumi? I wonder why you whispered my name when there are thousands of people better for you them me." As soon as he said that he remembered Yumi's words 'I don't think there is anything better them spending my days with you.' He stared into the darkness remembering the happiness that Yumi had felt, that soft smile, and tender words spoken so long ago only to have the memories replace by the Yumichika he had met in rukongai, broken and lonely in his past, which were followed by the Yumichika crying breaking his own heart to please Ikkaku. He remembered how when Yumichika whispered that he'd honor Ikkaku's wishes he'd felt horror creeping up his spin and couldn't believe it. He loved Yumichika and Yumichika loved him. He had saved Yumichika yet now he was the one bring him so much pain and suffering. Yet knowing that Yumichika stayed with him for this month which he wanted to make his last instead of finding someone who would treat him well and make him happy again. He stayed here and whispered his name. Now Ikkaku realized how truly lucky he had been for finding this man to share his life with.

_Maybe you should have thought of all the pain Yumichika felt in the past. How when you met him he was broken and alone before you told him all of those things or maybe you just never cared about him at all. Which is it Ikkaku?_

_' I love Yumichika that's always been true!! I shouldn't have been so angry.'_

_Ruri'iro told me how and why Yumichika was captured, do you want to know??_

_'Of course I want to know. Tell me Hozukimaru.'_

_The arrancar said that if Yumichika didn't go with him he'd come after you. So Yumichika knowing that you might hate him threw his life away thinking that no one would try to rescue him. He gave it all up for you and for what? You wouldn't have even cared if you hadn't felt guilt about making him cry or breaking your promise while you broke something more important, Yumichika's heart._

_'That's not true I would have gone after him no matter what.'_

_Really?? Them why didn't you try to understand him?? Why didn't you go back to the world of the living when you couldn't find him?? Why didn't you just ask Renji to switch stations with you?? Why didn't you try harder to find him?? It's because you stopped caring but when you saw him broken in your dreams you remembered how you met him. You remembered how they'd been beating him and the pained expression he had back them. That's the only reason you're still here out of pity for poor, weak, defenseless, Yumichika. Even though you can tell that his stronger them you._

_'Shut up!! I love him and I don't pity him!! I would have gone after him. I know I would have.'_

_Sure believe what you like but while you would have left him behind he gave up his freedom for you and his life he knew that it was a lie. That they'd never honor their words. Still he gave it all up and even now he thinks that you want someone else so he'll kill himself. You'd never do that for him would you? Even now while his heart is broken he calls your name in his sleep. He'd do anything you ask of him no matter what it is._

_'Shut up!! I love him!! I love him with all my heart.'_

_You still didn't go after him until you heard that he was captured. You're pathetic and a coward. Yet you do care about him, even if it is only a little bit. Do you want to know what Yumichika thinks?_

_'Yes.'_

_He thinks that this is what you want. He believes that his a burden to you and that the only way he can thank you for all the happy years you gave him is by dying. He loves you. While he was in the world of the living he stopped caring about himself and started thinking of a way to make you happy. He wanted to please you even if it hurt him he'd do anything for you. Not himself even though he could be a captain or vice-captain with ease. You really have forgotten how to love him haven't you?_

Usually he would have argued with hozukimaru a little longer but now he knew that hozukimaru was right he should have tried to understand Yumi, he knew how painful Yumichika's past was that's why he had promised not to make the man cry. He did know one thing he would always love Yumichika no matter what.

"Yumichika I know that by now you probably don't believe anything I'd say but I just want to promise you one last thing if I can't make you get your will to live again them at the very least I promise I'll do everything I can to make this the best month of your life. I don't want you to die and I don't want to lose you but I don't deserve your love or your friendship and now that I'm losing it I realize how ungrateful I have been." Ikkaku sighed and kissed Yumichika's forehead and fell asleep holding Yumichika tightly.

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**First day of the month: Breakfast in bed**

Yumichika woke up only to find that Ikkaku was gone. He instantly felt sad. Ikkaku wasn't there he had probably gone out with Iba to drink and train. He smiled sadly he had thought that this month would be a little different. He had hoped that Ikkaku would be more loving. He sighed he should have known it wouldn't be any different why would it be Ikkaku didn't care the only reason he had even helped Yumichika was out of pity for how they met and that was that. '_Maybe,' _he thought '_he just never loved me.'_ He shuck his head trying to convince himself that that wasn't true. Only that when he thought on the last few years Ikkaku had started spending less and less time with him going out drinking instead of staying at home with him. It had made him believe that Ikkaku had tired of him but now it brought a worst thought to his head what if this was all just on excuse to get rid of him for good. Yumichika looked up at the ceiling trembling.

He felt unsure about so many things but he didn't want to feel unsure about Ikkaku's feelings he wanted to believe that Ikkaku loved him or, at the very least, had loved him once. He heard the door open and guessed Ikkaku was back or Yachiru was looking for candy are was here to say hi. He saw Ikkaku came into the room and smiled softly because he could tell that Ikkaku wasn't drunk which meant he was wrong Ikkaku hadn't gone out drinking or something like that he hoped.

"You're awake. How do you feel?" Ikkaku asked there was concern in his voice which made Yumichika smile some of his worry disappearing, Ikkaku does care was his only thought.

"A little tired but I'll be find. Don't worry about me." Yumichika said yawning.

"I always worry about you whether I show it or not I hope you know that." He answered meaning it with all his heart. He watched and felt his heart flutter as Yumichika smiled at what he said because he could tell that it was a real smile not fake or sad but real.

"I'll be right back ok?" He said walking out of the room. Leaving Yumichika to stare at the door wondering what Ikkaku was going to do. Yumichika smiled when Ikkaku came into the room a few minutes later with a tray in his hands. On the tray was some steamed rice, miso soup, grilled fish, tamagoyaki, and seasoned nori. On the tray was also some orange juice and tea as well as his medicine. Ikkaku walked over to the night stand and set the tray down. He laid down next to Yumichika. He hugged Yumichika and put the tray on his lap. He them started to feed Yumichika the food. It was a loving thing to do and Yumichika felt so happy just to be held by Ikkaku. He smiled eating the food which was surprisingly good.

"Ikkaku did you make this??" He asked curious to know considering he was the one that always cooked no exception.

"Yeah. Why?"

"It's really good!" Yumichika said smiling as he took the chop sticks from Ikkaku and ate some of the tamagayaki. He set the chop sticks down he had eaten only about half of all the food but he was still to full to eat anything else. He took the pill and swallowed it drinking some juice with it.

"Glad you like it." Ikkaku said holding Yumichika close to his chest he had realized that Yumichika always did all the work, cooking, cleaning, and shopping all of it so he had woken up early to make Yumi something to eat and clean the house. While thinking he had realized that he wanted to change to make Yumichika's life easier and better. He just wished he didn't feel like he couldn't do anything to save him. That Yumi was lost to him, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to make him happy this month.

"I love you Ikkaku and thank you this is really sweet of you!!" Yumichika said with a smile that could in, Ikkaku's mind, light up the whole world with its beauty. He realized that if he asked Yumichika to live he would but he knew that it would be wrong to force Yumichika to do something he didn't want to. He watched Yumichika eat a little bit more of the food and lay back down. Yumichika needed to gain some weigh he was very skinny and from the looks of it he had been very hungry.

_That was so cute Yumi!! He cooked for you!!_

_'It was. I love it. I love him and everything he does.'_

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**Second day of the month: Flowers and more flowers**

Ikkaku knew that Yumichika loved beauty and there wasn't anything more beautiful them Yumichika in Ikkaku's eyes but there was something almost as beautiful that spoke a language of its own... flowers. So that day he had gotten up early and gone out with Rangiku and to his surprise Rangiku had brought Momo along together they were going to help Ikkaku get Yumichika some flowers. Ikkaku wanted flowers with special meanings something that Yumichika would know about after all he spent so much time learning about flowers and there meanings or anything that he thought was beautiful.

Yumichika woke up at about 12 with a yawn. He frowned when he noticed that Ikkaku wasn't there again he felt doubt nag at his heart. He wondered where Ikkaku had gone and when he looked at the nightstand there were a few arbutus in a vase which he remembered meant Thee Only Do I Love he recalled from a book he'd read. Next to the white flowers was a single rose a full bloom which meant I love you or I still love you which made him smile sadly and wonder if Ikkaku knew what they meant. As he got up he looked around the room only to find more flowers and most of them he knew the meaning for. They were the following with there meaning.

AMBROSIA - Your Love is Reciprocated

ARBUTUS - Thee Only Do I Love

ASTER - Symbol of Love, Daintiness

CAMELLIA (PINK) - Longing for you

CAMELLIA (RED) - You're a Flame in My Heart

CAMELLIA (WHITE) - You're Adorable

CARNATION (PINK) - I'll Never Forget You

CARNATION (RED) - My Heart Aches For You, Admiration

CARNATION (WHITE) - Sweet and Lovely, Innocence, Pure Love, Woman's Good Luck Gift

He stared mouth open like a fish out of water as he took in all the beautiful colors. He smiled after he had recovered enough and walked out the door to the hall way which had flower bases on tables running down the halls entire length.

CHRYSANTHEMUM (GENERAL) - You're a Wonderful Friend, Cheerfulness and Rest.

DAFFODIL - Regard, Unrequited Love, You're the Only One, The Sun is Always Shining when I'm with You

DAISY - Innocence, Loyal Love, I'll Never Tell, Purity

DANDELION - Faithfulness, Happiness

FORGET-ME-NOT - True Love, Memories

GARDENIA - You're Lovely, Secret Love

GLOXINIA - Love at First Sight

HYACINTH (PURPLE) - I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Sorrow

HYACINTH (WHITE) - Loveliness, I'll Pray for You

HYDRANGEA - Thank You for Understanding, Frigidity, Heartlessness

IVY - Wedded Love, Fidelity, Friendship, Affection

JONQUIL - Love Me, Affection Returned, Desire, Sympathy, Desire for Affection Returned

LILY (CALLA) - Beauty

LILY OF THE VALLEY - Sweetness, Tears of the Virgin Mary, Return to Happiness, Humility, You've Made My Life Complete

MISTLETOE - Kiss me, Affection, To Surmount Difficulties, Sacred Plant of India

MYRTLE - Love, Hebrew Emblem of Marriage

NARCISSUS - Egotism, Formality, Stay as Sweet as You Are

ORANGE BLOSSOM - Innocence, Eternal Love, Marriage and Fruitfulness

ORCHID - Love, Beauty, Refinement, Beautiful Lady, Chinese Symbol for Many Children

As he walked into their old room he found that it too was filled with flowers. While he looked at them he went over the list of their meaning in his head.

PEONY - Shame, Happy Life, Happy Marriage

POPPY (RED) - Pleasure

POPPY (WHITE) - Consolation

PRIMROSE - I Can't Live Without You

ROSE (BRIDAL) - Happy Love

ROSE (HIBISCUS) - Delicate Beauty

In the kitchen there were even more flowers by now Yumichika had realized that they all had a mean about love or friendship. It made him wonder if Ikkaku knew what they meant. He also noticed Ikkaku's sprite energy in the living room and headed there looking at all the flowers and their meanings.

ROSE (PINK) - Perfect Happiness, Please Believe Me

ROSE (RED) - Love, I Love You

ROSE (TEA) - I'll Remember Always

ROSE (THORNLESS) - Love at First Sight

ROSE (WHITE) - Innocence and Purity, I am Worthy of You, You're Heavenly, Secrecy and Silence

ROSEBUD - Beauty and Youth, A Heart Innocent of Love

ROSEBUD (RED) - Pure and Lovely

ROSEBUD (MOSS) - Confessions of Love

ROSES (Single Full Bloom) - I Love You, I Still Love You *

SMILAX - Loveliness

STOCK - Bonds of Affection, Promptness, You'll Always Be Beautiful to Me

TULIP (GENERAL) - Perfect Lover, Frame, Flower Emblem of Holland

TULIP (RED) - Believe Me, Declaration of Love

TULIP (VARIEGATED) - Beautiful Eyes

TULIP (YELLOW) - There's Sunshine in Your Smile

VIOLET (BLUE) - Watchfulness, Faithfulness, I'll Always Be True

VIOLET (WHITE) - Let's Take a Chance

ZINNIA (MAGENTA) - Lasting Affection

So many flowers all over the house and it smelled so wonderful. Yumichika walked into the living room to find the person he was looking for, Ikkaku, looking tried which made Yumichika smile. He watched as Ikkaku got up and went over to him, hugging Yumichika tightly.

"Do you like them?"

"I love it Ikkaku."

"I'm glad. I thought you would they're beautiful although the most beautiful flower here is you!" Ikkaku said grinning. Yumichika sighed and smiled happy to let Ikkaku hold him. He would go take a shower once Ikkaku let him go and ponder on what else Ikkaku would do to make him happy. That was how the first two days went by. To Yumichika they were the best in a long time but they also made him regret his decision just a little. He also knew that he wouldn't go back on his word no matter what happened to him unless of course Ikkaku asked him to live his life.

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**I know I said I would add to some of my chapters but some there is nothing I want to add and in this one all I found were grammer mistakes and usage (oh wait thats grammer isn't it.)**

**I hope you liked it and I'll edit this when I get a chance and update also sorry for the mistakes. R&R make my day please cause right now I'm not happy my best guy friend is ignoiring me and acting like a jerk because his new girlfriend told him to stop talking to other girls. **


	8. When night comes

**I finished this at long last I was getting really annoyed with this chapter cause I couldn't come up with anything good. Anyways I hope you like it and please review.**

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**At night of the first day**

Yumichika hummed softly mostly to himself. He was happier them he had been in about fifty years. Ikkaku had acted so loving to him today he just couldn't help himself in acting so happily. He got out of the shower and dried off. He dressed quickly it was far to cold tonight to care about his looks or anything else to be more precise. He walked out into the chilly room and saw Ikkaku mediating with Hozukimaru on his lap.

_They are arguing Yumi._

_'Why Ruri'iro?'_

_Hozukimaru thinks that Ikkaku is stupid for not trying to get to you sooner. He also thinks that Ikkaku has neglected you and doesn't deserve your love or friendship any more._

_'Oh that's sad.'_

_'It's true even you know that for the last fifty years he has neglected you. It's why you started flirting with so many people to remind him that you could find anyone. You almost took Shuuhei offer you hesitated to say no when Shuuhei asked you to dump Ikkaku and go with him because you knew that Shuuhei would be kinder to you._

_'I-I didn't know what I was doing. Ikkaku is mine for now and I am his no matter what.'_

_Even now when he hurt you! You still love him. How strange. I have never had this problem with Hozukimaru. I really don't think I would stay with someone like that._

_'I love him that's why I said no to Shuuhei even when he promised me a better future my body and my soul belong to Ikkaku.'_

_Maybe you're right. So this means that no matter what you are going to kill yourself when the month ends?_

_'Yes I will Ikkaku has tried of me and so I am no longer worthy of existing with Ikkaku or needed in the 11th squad. Which means that I am no longer needed by Ikkaku either.'_

_Why if there never was any love there? Do you really not care about yourself?_

_'We did love each other!! I know we did!! I know he didn't act like he loved me but he did I know he did!'_

_No I don't think he did. I'm sorry._

_'Please stop saying things like that I know that you hate the fact that his treated me like this but I'm to blame to after all I stayed with him didn't I.' As there came no reply he consedered the conversation over._

With that conversation over he headed over to the futon where Ikkaku was sitted. He sat himself down and laid his head on Ikkaku's shoulder who didn't even notice. He smiled and waited. He needed to feel Ikkaku's warmth, but what he wanted more them anything in the world was for Ikkaku to love him, to hold him as if he were the whole world, and to kiss him and make him melt from the love in the sweet contact.

_' Why do I even bother arguing with you?'_

_It's the truth anyone that knows Yumichika could tell that he has suffered these last few years. How many times have you left to go drinking when he had a romantic night planned. or the times you forgot his birthday and favorite holidays? How many times have you left in the morning before he wakes up and avoided him all day? Possibly the worst of all the things you've done is make love to him and a few hours maybe not even an hour later you leave him to go drinking? What do you think he felt every time you did something like that or the times you pushed him away?_

_'I don't know. I never realized that I was pushing him away. I always though that if Yumi felt that I was pushing him away or was unhappy with me he would leave me.'_

_You really thought that well look at it now what do you think?_

_'That I was an asshole for never realizing it for not caring as much as I should have. That I made Yumi's life miserable.'_

_That's true but Yumichika could have left you but he didn't. Do you know why?_

_'No I don't know but I want to know. I need to know why Yumi is making himself suffer through all of this.'_

_Because he loves you and without ever saying it out loud he promised his loyalty to you and to always stand by your side even if you hate him, resent him, beat him, or force him to do things against his will he would never leave your side. That is the kind of devotion he has for you and the relationship that you two once had. Yet you would never be like that to him when he dies you'll move on once you die if his still alive after avenging you he'll kill himself to try and be with you in the next life._

_'I am sorry for everything I did to him.'_

_Tell him that! Haven't you noticed the warm body resting against you. Even now he only wants your warmth and love._

Ikkaku turned and looked at Yumichika who smiled at him. He warped on arm around Yumichika's waist and watched the happy glow that seemed to radiate of off the small body that now smelled sweet and fresh like the ground after it rains. He wondered why he had been so cruel to this man to the one person that trusted him with his whole being. '_Yumichika was the first person that changed my live and yet I only think of myself and not of Yumi. I don't remember the last time I got him flowers or a new kimono well the kimono was about ten years ago, I think. I said I loved him yet here I am trying to win him back when he just wants to die. I wont even let him have that. Should I just let him go and be on my own again? I don't want to but if I can't win him back them maybe I can ask him to try to love someone else.'_

" What's bothering you Ikkaku? Is it something I did wrong?" _There he goes again worrying about me and blaming himself when I caused him pain. Did he blame himself for all our fights? I hope not. I shouldn't be the cause of Yumichika's pain or sadness. I should be the one to protect him and make him happy. Yumi always puts me in front of everything else, his sword for example, he could be a captain or stronger them me yet he decided to hide it because I said it was dishonorable to use kido. I'm the main cause of Yumi's pain and I am the reason he had to hide his true self._

"Ikkaku please tell me what's wrong?? Is it something I did? Did I make you upset?" How could you make me upset when all you ever do is love me? How could I bring tears to your face while you were trying to please me? How could I let you walk away in tears, shame, and pure despair? How could I think that I was better them you when you put up with all of this pain?

"It's nothing Yumichika!! You could never do something to make me upset." '_Them why did I hurt him?? Am I really that stupid that I didn't see the sadness and all he was trying to do was protect me when he used Ruri'iro kujaku. What the hell was I so mad about? Its not like he could choose whether his sword is kido or power. Now look at him his given up on himself because of what I said and why did I let this happen? I called him ugly that one time and he stopped acting vainly so what would happen if I told him that I hated him or that he needed to die?'_

_You would find him gone on a few minutes later and dead a day later!_

_'Shut up!! Yumi wouldn't kill himself for me.'_

_Yes he would and only for you. Think about what he said when he woke up after he asked for the papers to transfer to another squad you said "I don't want that. I don't want this for that matter. Stay in the eleventh squad Yumi please." and he answered through the pain in his heart even when he knew he should stay way from you "I'll think about it Ikkaku, but I don't know. I'm so confused... everything was so simple...I never thought you'd find out... and I always wished you'd accept it." He loved you that much even while you might have just used him that month he pretty much said yes. He knew that it could never be the same but he didn't care a month with you was enough to make him happy. It was enough to make up for the months away from you. You were the one that asked for this month and as soon as you did he knew he couldn't say no to you! You were selfish. Did you ever stop think about what he wanted?!_

_'No I didn't but I know that I don't have much more time with him and it hurts very much to know that I have lost him I just wish I knew what to do?'_

_Did you think about the pain that you caused him or isolation that he felt day in and day out? Or of what it took for him to came back here to the place he once thought of as a loving home? Or of what it would be like after you said all of that stuff to him? You didn't even let him defend himself. He was actually going to let you do whatever you wanted to him but when you said oh what was it that you said oh yes "You've been lying to me all this time? Does that mean that our relationship was just a sham so you could see how long you could hide that pathetic sword of yours?" you called that one thing he held dearest a sham and that made him want to speak up he wouldn't have said anything if you beat him or if you killed him he still would have told you that he loved you, but the relationship that you two had was and still is the dearest thing to him. Hell he'd probably hug you and tell you that he was sorry and wasn't mad at you or that he still loved you._

_'I.... no I didn't I thought that we would be the same as always and I was mad when I said that.'_

_So you expected him to crawl back to you like a dog that you fed, cared for, and beat but is still loyal. Pathetic. Even he has a limit to what he'll take._

_'I know. What does he want me to do?'_

_Ask him you idiot!!_

"Yumichika what do you want?" Ikkaku asked softly he needed to know to have some sort of answer. He didn't care if it was something girly or just a lie. All he wanted was an answer that would give him a clue to giving Yumichika a new reason to live, to be vainful, and most of all happy that was all he wanted now. It was what he needed. He had caused this pain so he would make Yumichika happy some how.

"What do you mean? It's not like I want anything!" _'Other them the one thing that I lost fifty years ago your love. I'm just glad I met you and that I know in my heart that you loved me once. To be honest that is more them enough for me, but I could never tell you that. I could never tell you that I realized that you hated me and were pushing me away for years now because I know you'd just deny it. When I know that you haven't felt the same about me in so long. I tried so hard to win you back. I tried to change. I was desperate to have you with me for all of my life but you just ignored me that's when I knew that my world, my tiny world that you created, was crashing down.'_ Tears began to form in his eyes. Yumichika wrapped his arms around Ikkaku's chest and hid his face. Ikkaku felt Yumichika start to shudder and sob softly. It made him wonder what thoughts had gone through Yumichika's head when he had asked what he wanted.

"Yumichika what's wrong??" He felt useless he should know how to help Yumichika he should know.

_You would know if you actually loved him._

_'Shut the fuck up this is none of your business!'_

"I-it's nothing Ikkaku. I'm just acting foolish again! I'm sorry!" Yumichika mumbled. Ikkaku knew that Yumichika needed to let it all out he needed to know that it was ok to cry and that he wasn't been foolish by crying.

"You're not acting foolish Yumichika!! I should be able to know what you need. I should know by now what you want to do with your life yet I've always thought of me and never about you! Even though you're the most important thing in my life!" Ikkaku said it and meant it with everything he had. Yumichika was his life and now that Yumichika might leave him he knew that Yumichika was his only love and the only light in his world, Yumichika's smile was what made him happy, his laughter was what made him want to survive the fights, and those three words that Yumichika said so often were what made his life worth living. Now Yumichika didn't think anything was worth living. Was this really how it would all end with both of them heart-broken and lonely?

"Yumichika I love you so much!! Please let me help you!! Let in your heart! Let me know what you want." As soon as he said that Yumichika pulled away from him and looked at him sadly.

"Why should I?? So that you can give me hope and them break everything that you made me hold dear I don't think so Ikkaku! I love you but I don't want any more pain!! Haven't you made my life sad enough?! Is it that you enjoy my pain?! Answer me Ikkaku!! Why should I trust you when you hurt me?! You know all the pain I felt before I met you and still you didn't even care!" Yumichika face was stained with tears, there was also some anger in his violet eyes, it was dull but there, but he was still struggling to not cry any more. He had pushed away from Ikkaku but it made him feel vulnerable. '_I need him'_ Yumichika realized it as he looked at Ikkaku that this hadn't started when Ikkaku found out about his sword it had been going on for far longer them that maybe longer them fifty years. Ikkaku tried to grab Yumichika to hug him, to hold him, and to comfort him, but Yumichika pushed him away.

"Do you even know how much I love you? I thought that if you ever left me I could keep on going but now I don't think I can!! Please if you ever truly loved me even if it was just alittle or brotherly love or just as friend leave me alone! Let me cry, let me pretend that you actually loved me or cared about me. Maybe if I try hard enough I'll believe it!" Yumichika said the tears kept coming down his face. He pulled his knees to his chest and cried into them. He was trembling in pure pain for now he had let a little of his sadness show. He had let Ikkaku hear a little bit of the pain.

"I do love you Yumichika!!"

"Stop lying to me!! I don't believe you anymore Ikkaku, and it hurts because you were the first person that I loved. You were the first person I dared to care about and now I can't say I want to keep loving you. All I have gotten out our love is pain for the last fifty-some years you've been abandoning me. You think it didn't hurt or do you think that I didn't notice how every day you left to go drinking and do who knows what after words. Tell how many times have you left to cheat on me while I tried to hold us together. How many Ikkaku?? I'm so sorry but I held on for you, not for me, if it were for me I would let you kill me and move on. But I held on because you once told me we would be together forever that I was your only love. Was that a lie too? What about when you told me you loved me was that a lie too?" Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku a look of realization on his face. Before Ikkaku could answer he got up and ran to the other room he was afraid of the answers. He couldn't bare the thought that Ikkaku might answer him with no I don't love you and I never have or something of the like.

_Told you he noticed._

_'Shut up!! I haven't cheated on him! I love him and I meant it. I also meant it when I told him we would be together for as long as we lived.'_

_Tell him that. He left because he believed you were going to tell him everything was a lie that you didn't care about him and that you had cheated on him._

Ikkaku got up and went to the other room finding Yumichika there laying down on his stomach crying. When he felt Ikkaku's sprite energy he tensed and turned around to look at him.

"Why are you still here?? Shouldn't you be drinking with your friends? It's not like there is anything special or important here waiting for you every day worried sick that you might be dead. It's not like you have stayed here at night with me. After all I don't mean anything to you anymore maybe I never did and this was all in my head. You don't have to feel respossible for me anymore." Yumichika said his voice ice cold, but his eyes showed Ikkaku a need, a deep longing for something. Those words made Ikkaku's chest twist in agony. '_I did abandon you and now you want me to feel the betrail that you felt. I will let you do whatever you want after all I deserve it don't I hozukimaru?'_

"I'm here because there is something far more important them drinking here. I want to make up for not staying with you for so long. I want to make you happy no matter what!" Ikkaku walked toward him. He laid down next to Yumichika and warped his arms around him.

"Whether you want me to stay or not I am going to stay right here." Ikkaku whispered against Yumichika's ear feeling the man shudder as the warmth of his breath hit him. Yumichika turned around to look at Ikkaku.

"Why couldn't you be like this to me for all of eternity or just the last fifty years? It would have been enough. I don't ask for that much in our relationship all I really want is you love. Was it really that much to ask for? So why is it that we started to fall apart Ikkaku? Please tell me I've been wodering for so long why you pushed me away. Is it because I'm weak or my past please tell me?" Yumichika whispered as he looked at Ikkaku.

"I- I just never realized that I was hurting you! I know you don't ask for much and I'm sorry I should have tried to help you keep us together. It's got nothing to do with you or your past Yumi." He replied kissing Yumichika's forehead and grabbing the blankets draping them over Yumichika and himself. Soon he fell asleep.

"Them I guess I wasn't very important to you after all." Yumichika whispered with a soft smile and tried to get out of Ikkaku's arms which was pointless as Ikkaku clutched him desperately._ 'I guess I was the only that ever truly loved in this as, you called it sham.' _Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku's face. '_How is it that I ever loved you? You big brute.'_ Ikkaku pulled him closer and Yumichika remembered that it was moments like this that gave him hope when Ikkaku slept he held Yumichika as close as possible and whispered the most loving things to him. It had been enough for him for years that was the only love he ever got and even that soon began to fade and become a rare event breaking his already broken heart a little more each night.

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**At night of the second day**

Yumichika was much happier now. Ikkaku had given him flowers something that haven't happened in a few hundred years. He went from flower to flower fixing them and mixing flowers together to make colorful bundles of them. As he walked through the house Ikkaku watched him. He was calmer now and knew that he had made Yumichika happy as long as he didn't remind Yumichika of their problems he would be ok. The strange thing was Yumichika had forgiven him but there was still signs of stress and sorrow in his violet eyes no matter how hard Yumichika tried to hide it, he was sad. Ikkaku watched the azure kimono twirl around the small frame. He was truly beautiful. As Yumichika kept walking around the house he was smiling softly it made Ikkaku happy that he had caused that smile it was a small victory but it made him happy beyond words.

"Yumi are you done? I know you like flowers but you need to rest you're still recovering." Yumichika looked at him and smiled.

"Five more minutes." He begged putting on a beautiful pout that only he could manage. Ikkaku knew that he couldn't resist that face so he nodded and Yumichika kept going around the house. Yumichika was just happy looking at the flowers knowing that most of them had meanings about love made him happy and his favorite was the single red rose in full bloom which turned out Ikkaku knew the meaning of because Rangiku and Hinamori had helped him pick them out. Ikkaku had been very tried after shopping for flowers Yumichika might like but it had been worth it as Yumichika walked around the room.

"Times up, beautiful one." Yumichika pouted at him but went to where Ikkaku sat on the sofa and sat next to him. Yumichika sighed heavily and looked around the house which would be covered in petals for a while he knew that much but it made it all worth it while Ikkaku was trying so hard to make him happy that it was working, his resolve was slowly falling apart.

"Ikkaku why are you trying so hard to make me happy? There is nothing special about me so why would you care about me or what I want?" Yumichika asked sadly it was one of the many things that had him wondering.

"I'm trying because I love you and you are special. You're beautiful, gentle, graceful, caring, selfless, a great swordsman, great at kido too, and that makes you powerful. You are special and precious which is something that I should have noticed years ago." Ikkaku turned to look into Yumichika's eyes and found that there were tears in his eyes but this time they were for joy.

"Do you mean that Ikkaku?" He asked never turning away from him. When he got no answer he repited the words softly desperately trying to find some truth to hold on to for a while.

"Yes!" Yumichika jumped onto Ikkaku, wrapping his arms around him, and kissed him on the cheek. Ikkaku warped his arms around Yumichika and held him there looking into those beautiful eyes.

"I love you Yumichika Ayasegawa." Ikkaku told him and looked at Yumichika who now smiled happily knowing that it was all real.

"I love you too Ikkaku." Yumichika and Ikkaku said like that for while longer at ease with each other for the time.

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**OK this one I added a sentence here and there and fixed the stupid grammer mistakes.**

**Longest thing I have written in this story with a total of 4209 words without including the author notes. I'm going to write three or four more chapter hopefuly less cause I don't have time to write but you never know I always try to do something but can't oh well. Please review!**


	9. We still have each other! Don't we?

**I am glad to inform you'll that I have no school today which means I can write this and edit it and post it in one day. I want to write something else hope you read it that is all. Has anyone noticed that my chapter names half the time make little sense or is that just me??**

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Chapter 9: We still have each other!! Don't we?

_Yumichika's dreams_

_The elemental named Suki grabbed him and threw him across the room where he landed with a low tub. He knew that she fed of off his pain and regrets which were so many now. He felt so much regret in not staying with Ikkaku and his physical pain was nothing compared to his emotional turmoil. Her eyes were a pure baby blue that priced your heart with fear and with a deep hatred for everything that could breathe and love. It was something that had always been there. Her hair was snow white and her lips were dark blue she wore a blue dress that showed her curves in perfection if she weren't so viscous she would be beautiful._

"_You thought that you could get away from me! You're pain is delicious! I'll find you and crush you under the endless suffering in your heart." Her voice echoed in the room causing a shiver of terror to run through his body as his heart began to throb in his chest at a painful rate. Soon her sister would be here and she was by far more vicious them Suki would ever be. As Hikari can in, which her name had nothing to do with her, light who ever gave her the name was a fool. She had pale white skin with bright red lips. Her eyes were a deep crimson that rarely showed any emotions. Hikari's hair was jet black and she fed of off peoples sadness and despair. She wore a crimson dress with an emerald on a gold chain around her neck. _

" _And yet another day goes by and your lover isn't here yet." Hikari growled she was inpatient by leaps and bounds, but she was easy as strong as Yumichika using his full power. As Suki smiled at him he saw in his mind Ikkaku maned, tortured, beaten, stabbed, over and over again. When the illusion was over Gin was in the room with the two elementals they were by far stronger them him too._

"_You should really give up and join us right now we have broken what half of your bones. We really don't want to hurt you to much." Gin said never dropping the smile that now was anything but scary to the slighter man that had crumpled on the floor with the pain that had been there for months._

"_I told you Ikkaku isn't going to come and I'm not going to betray him." Yumichika said looking up at them with hatred in his violet eyes. _

"_Oh really so you'll take whatever we throw at you even when you don't know if you'll be rescued at all. When he comes we'll capture him and use him to make you serve us anyhow for now we are just enjoying your pain." Suki hissed into his ear with a cruel smile on her face._

"_Yes I will for Ikkaku is all I have ever loved and the only one that can break me." Yumichika spit out the words fully intent on keeping them. He wouldn't give up no matter what._

He awoke and looked around he was in his room with Ikkaku's arm around him. That had been the first two days of his week in huenco mundo with those two monsters. He stared at Ikkaku who, even though, Yumichika had believed wouldn't come had been his little light of hope in all the pain they caused him.

"I love you Yumi." Ikkaku whispered in his sleep and smiled pulling Yumichika closer until the slighter man fell into a peaceful sleep where he and Ikkaku had never had this argument at all.

Yumichika woke up the next morning nestled in a pair of strong arms that had protected him for years. He looked up into Ikkaku's face. Ikkaku looked at him and smiled. Yumichika smiled back softly and kissed his cheek with a tenderness that only Ikkaku got from this man and vice versa.

"Yumichika we're going to get you a new kimono today and anything else you want. How about it?" Ikkaku asked looking at Yumichika whose mouth had dropped open in shock as he stared at Ikkaku. Yumichika let out a long sigh.

"Are you kidding me? You haven't given me anything like that in years why start now Ikkaku." Yumichika spit out the words he didn't want Ikkaku spending money on him when he was fully intent on dying and leaving Ikkaku here on his own.

"No I'm not Yumichika." Ikkaku said seeing the look of disbelieve and hearing the resolve to die in his once cheerful voice.

_'I have killed you in a away that is worse them real death. I have taken away what you once held so dear your beauty, your strength, and your love. I know you can never forgive me for it but I want us to be together so badly yet everything that I try to do always makes you sad for some reason. I think you believe that I'm doing all of this because I feel a need to or because I saved you all those years back or because I saw you cry. I don't understand anything anymore.'_

_You don't deserve to understand my master anymore. The love he held for you it should have meant everything to you, but in the end your friends were more important. I wish that Yumichika would walk away from you, that he would stop himself from feeling this pain, but it's not enough for you is it? You broke his heart and gave him new hope but those words you said and how you never seemed to regret them made him realize you don't love him anymore maybe you never did at all, but I already knew you never loved him at all. So he has decided that his life isn't worth living if you're not there for him to love._

"_What the fuck?! Who the hell are you? And how the hell can I hear you?"_

_My name is Ruri'iro Kujaku and the only reason I can talk to you is because you're touching Yumichika if not I wouldn't be able to speak my mind that's the simple way of answering your question. I hate you and the pain you have caused both of us. I wish I could kill you or make you be gentle to him. He who has given everything for you. Why, just answer this one question, why did you do this to him? Do you really not love him at all? Were all the things you told him a lie? If they are you're an asshole that needs to die he gave everything for you. He doesn't smile anymore because of you. He doesn't feel beautiful because of you. He feels unloved and hated because of you. He doesn't wish to live anymore because he doesn't have you to love. Is that fair Ikkaku. Is it fair that my master has to suffer anymore just give him some happiness and let go please let him find some relieve from the pain you caused him._

_'I won't let him die! I can't let him do that to himself. I love him to much to let him throw away everything for me. I don't deserve that kind of love or devotion.'_

_Them why!? Why did you hurt him so very much my world is crumbling all around from the sorrow because you let him walk away in tears and do you know what he told me?_

_'No I don't.' _

_He'll came Ruri'iro he'll came for me I know he will because he loves me and this wont change it. It wont change it. It can't change his love. If it does I'll die. He had faith in you. While he said that you just stood there. You let him walk away and when you finally show up he has broken his heart from going over your words time after time after time and letting go of his will to live. _

_'I know I should have gone after him.'_

_You didn't!! You know about the nightmares he had back in rukongai before you two started sleeping together well while you left him they came back mixed with dreams where you beat him and killed him. Where you let him die, where you let them beat him, and all you did was watch. He'd wake up trembling with pain and sorrow and fear that it would became real and tell me you would never do that to him. You know what I don't believe him. He would give everything up for you and you'd take it wouldn't you. You wouldn't turn around and ask if it was okay, because you don't care about him at all do you. He cried out for you in his pain, in his dreams you were there, but when he thought about it you would never be there. You wouldn't help him in his pain. You would think him weak and walk away._

Ikkaku looked at Yumichika with a knew understanding of what he had felt while they were apart. It broke his heart to now that this beautiful, gentle person had given everything for him and he had never realized it.

_'I know you hate me. I can't say that I want you too, but I know that I deserve it all.'_

_Do you love him Ikkaku? Do you love him? Do you love what he does, his smile, his laughter, his power, and his devotion for you? Or do you hate him for loving you, for having a kido based sword, and for trying to hide me?_

_'…'_

_If he ever meant anything to you answer me now!!_ Ikkaku felt the full extent of Ruri'iro Kujaku's power in that moment he felt pure pain in his head and his body. The hatred and power were frightening in a way that had no description at all.

_'I love him with everything I have and I love his delicate ways. His the only person I will ever love. He is my life as much as I'm his.'_

With that Ruri'iro kujaku fell silent and Ikkaku looked down at Yumichika who was watching him with a look that said I know what you were doing or who you were talking to and it made him wonder if Ruri'iro had told him what they had been talking about.

"Ikkaku, what are we going to do today?" Yumichika asked his voice was empty of the cheerfulness it once had, but his eyes were what showed the most difference they were dull and empty. Ikkaku realized that now Yumichika just lived from day to day without looking forward to tomorrow.

"I thought we'd go find you a new kimono, some chocolate that I know you love, and them go to the world of the living there is a festival in kurakura town." Ikkaku's voice was full of cheerfulness, but still Yumichika looked unhappy.

"Alright." Yumichika said getting up he went to the closet and got dressed. It wasn't the same. Yumichika usually took forever getting ready smiling all the while. '_My Yumichika is gone. I killed him. I killed that beautiful smile. I killed his happiness.'_

_Yeah you did! Like your conversation with Ruri'iro. _

_'Why is this happening?! I can't help Yumi, I can't stop him, and I can't help him move forward. Why?!'_

_You know why. Everything you say is his way of life and you told him that he was ugly don't you remember that he used to think he was the ugliest person in the world but you told him he was beautiful. You gave him a life and it was enough for him. All he wants is to be loved and accepted for who he is, but when he showed you Yumichika felt his heart get broken by the hands of the only person he ever loved. It made him feel all alone again so he waited for you to come back for him to tell him it was okay and when you didn't he gave up. This is whats left of your Yumi. This sad man, this broken man is all that is left. The happiness is gone Ikkaku you killed all the warmth in his heart and now his only here because you want him to be here if not he'd be dead. _

With hozukimaru's words in mind he got up and got dressed Yumichika watched him with a look of longing and desperation in his eyes.

"Ikkaku why are you trying so hard?" Yumichika asked looking at him sadly in his heart he wanted to believe it was love, but his mind told him it was pity.

"I'm doing this because I love you!" He said tying his obi and walking to the door. As he walked out the room to the living room and the exit he called to Yumichika to hurry up. Yumichika appeared next to him in an insistent.

"If you do love me them why were you so mad at me? Why did you call our relationship a sham? Ikkaku, did you know that our relationship means I mean meant everything to me, more them my beauty, and more them been in the 11th squad? It was the only love I ever knew and even though I have friends now it's not the same." Fresh tears appeared in those violet eyes and they fell slowly to the ground as Yumichika turned away from Ikkaku. With a heavy heart Ikkaku watched as Yumichika turned away in shame and tried to come up with words to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Yumichika. I know that that isn't enough for what I did to you but it's all I know. That I'm sorry and that I love you." Ikkaku reached forward and grabbed Yumichika's hand and to turn him around and with his thumb wimped away the tears. Yumichika leaned into the touch so gently that Ikkaku almost didn't notice it.

"Lets go them." Ikkaku said dragging Yumichika behind him they left for the third district which had the best kimonos in soul society. Yumichika looked around from store to store with enthusiasm. Ikkaku smiled he already knew which kimono would get his attention the most. There was a beautiful azure kimono with light purple flowers on it. The obi was the same color as the flowers which were only about a a centimeter long and were all over the azure kimono. Yumichika walked over to it and smiled he loved it and would have asked for it without hesitation if they hadn't been going from a good relationship to a bad one. He felt lost and alone even when Ikkaku told him that he loved him it still didn't have the same meaning. With a sigh he walked away from it and went to look at less colorful things that he really didn't find interesting at all. He watched out of the corner of his eyes the look of despair that entered Ikkaku's eyes, but it didn't stop him from going over to the store and getting him the kimono which was wrapped in an azure box that made Ruri'iro kujaku laugh in delight.

"I'm trying Yumichika. I really am." Ikkaku said sadly as he handed Yumichika the kimono. Yumichika held it with trembling hands.

"I didn't ask you for it and I don't want it." That was a flat out lie he wanted it so badly but he knew he'd only get to wear it a few times and that was it. Ikkaku would throw it away or maybe keep it to remind himself that it was the last kimono he had given his old lover.

"Please if you don't want the kimono them what do you want Yumichika." He wanted to yell or maybe just hit Yumichika hard enough to knock some sense into him but as the thought entered his mind he felt a cold wave of shock run through him. How could he even think about hitting Yumichika yes he had done it before but that had been fooling around and not that hard either.

"I don't want anything Ikkaku. I just need to find some place to move to at the end of the month considering I wont have a home." Yumichika stated looking into Ikkaku's eyes. Ikkaku felt his heart break at that. He would move out if that was what Yumichika wanted at that moment he would have killed himself if it was what Yumichika asked for.

" You can keep the house Yumichika just stay with me. Stay in the squad please." Ikkaku whispered barely loud enough for Yumichika to hear as they continued walking.

" I don't need your pity." Yumichika stated as they were arguing they didn't notice that they had gone into the woods and were now surrounded by the canopy of tree. Yumichika's eyes opened wide in fear as he saw a crimson dress and a pair of blood red eyes that could only belong to Hikari. Next to said woman was her younger sister in the same blue dress with a look of distaste in her eyes.

"Well hello Yumichika we missed you." Hikari hissed with a look of pure loathing . Yumichika felt his heart fall to his stomach even if he and Ikkaku fought them together it would be useless against them. As Yumichika trembled Ikkaku drew his sword who ever they were they were scaring Yumichika.

"Yo who the hell are you?" Ikkaku asked with a grin.

"I'm Hikari and this is my sister Suki. Gin and Aizen sent us to find Yumichika and return him to huenco mundo." As Hikari introduced them Suki took the opportunity to attack Ikkaku only to have the attack blocked by Yumichika who was still trembling in fear.

"Why are you here?" Yumichika asked trying to calm himself. He could feel Ikkaku's anger at who knows what and for some reason it made him feel better.

"Tell me Yumichika why did you put all your hopes in this man. He clearly doesn't love you. He didn't come for you that quickly and I was able to feel the sorrow that he created in you heart." Asked Hikari with a smirk. She smiled violently at them and attacked. This time Ikkaku blocked it and was forced back. Ikkaku was shocked this woman was shorter them Yumichika but her strength was easily as great as their captains.

"Ikkaku stop let them take me to huenco mundo you'll be safe here." Yumichika begged and was shocked when Ikkaku glared at him.

"Not going to happen! I wont abandon you again Yumichika." He growled and attacked Hikari without hesitation. A brutal fight had began and Yumichika believed there was no hope for their survival. For every hit Ikkaku landed Hikari landed three or four. As Ikkaku hit the tree next to Yumichika. Yumichika ran to him and grabbed him.

"Ikkaku. If you're not going to give up them you have to use you're bankai. Hikari feeds on our sadness and despair. Suki feeds on our pain physical and emotional as well as regret. They're elementals Ikkaku be careful. I don't think anything can kill them except kido at a very high level." Yumichika whispered helping Ikkaku up. Suki smiled and attacked Ikkaku only to be stopped by Yumichika who managed to cut her shoulder a little with his counter but is was useless as the wound slowly closed.

"Bloom fuji kujaku!" Yumichika said and in his head apologized to his sword. He attacked again and again only to find that his strength hadn't returned and that Suki as just toying with him.

" Extend Hozukimaru." Ikkaku wondered why Yumichika didn't just use Ruri'iro and beat them. Even using his shikai he was losing big time as Hikari sent him flying into Yumichika. They both crashed with a painful tub and Ikkaku felt the his shoulder dislocate from the impact. Ikkaku dragged himself up and watched the two of them they had no weakness they hadn't drawn their swords once in the fight. As the fight dragged on their muscles began to ache, his right arm was useless making the fight even harder, and the fight which had looked hopeless from a start was now becoming painfully obvious that they didn't stand a chance. Ikkaku watched in horror as Yumichika hit a tree which broke in half from the force of the impact, and stayed down this time. Time slowed to a painful crawled as the blade came down on his beloved Yumichika. He didn't think or even stop to consider what he was doing as he stood in front of Yumichika and the sword.

The sword cut through his back and came out on the other side which was followed by another one in the time span of a breath. Ikkaku felt the pain it was blinding but he knew that Yumichika wouldn't hesitate to use Ruri'iro Kujaku if he was on the ground dead. He fell on top of Yumichika who caught and looked at him in horror. Yumichika's heart skipped a beat when he saw Ikkaku run to take the blow that should have killed him.

"Why Ikkaku? Why?!" Yumichika felt fresh tears in his eyes. His heart which he had believed couldn't hurt anymore began to hurt the pain in his heart was more them all the pain he had felt so far. He had known this day would come that Ikkaku would die, but even so it was unbearable to feel Ikkaku's blood on him as he began to die.

"I-I love you Yumichika. I will always... love you and I think... that this is the best way... to die because... I saved you Yumichika... I came say that I did what I wanted to..." Ikkaku had stopped them coughing up blood before he continued whispering things into Yumichika's ear. Yumichika listened and realized that he had made a horrible mistake ever doubting Ikkaku's love.

"I know... that I should have... kept you save. That I was... cruel and loveless to you. That I never stopped... to think about you. I don't deserve you... but I hope you... can find someone that can... keep your heart safer.. them I did. I'm so sorry Yumichika, for everything." He whispered and stopped talking fighting to stay conscious as his blood kept flowing out of his body. Yumichika cradled Ikkaku and let himself cry for everything he was losing. He gently set Ikkaku on the floor and looked at the person who had attacked him, but instead cut down the person dearest to him.

"Why did you do that Hikari? You should have killed me not him. I can't forgive you for this. Ikkaku saved me but now I don't want to live not without my Ikkaku. I hate you both and I have no regrets anymore. I know with all my heart that Ikkaku loves me as much as I love him. " Yumichika said as he charged the ones that had killed Ikkaku in front of him. As he attacked he felt Suki's blade cut through his side, followed by Hikari's to his shoulder, and the pain became over whelming in little time. He knew he had to use his sword now.

"Spit and deviate Ruri'iro Kujaku!" Yumichika yelled as his sword ensnared them both in it's beautiful vines. Yumichika fell to the ground next to Ikkaku and watched as the buds began to blossom on his blade. He knew that if Ikkaku survived he would still have to confront him about why he had been pushing him away for so long if he truly loved him. The flowers blossomed and he watched with a smile as they both fell to the ground. Hikari and Suki both smiled at him which frightened him to no end.

"Well done Yumichika you pass the test, but don't think you have seem the last of us." They said in unison as they disappeared. Yumichika sighed and looked at the horizon. He felt Unohana's sprite energy coming and knew they would both live.

* * *

Yumichika awoke to the sound of the birds outside and the smell of food next to his bed. He looked around and grabbed his side in pain. He turned his head and saw Ikkaku in the bed next to him. Thanking God for letting Ikkaku live he smiled and grabbed the breakfast that had been left for him. He knew that he hadn't seem the end of Hikari or Suki but he was just glad to be alive with his Ikkaku.

_'I'm still alive. I don't think I could have done it without you Ruri'iro. When we get back to doing missions I'll try to use your power more often.' _

_Thank you Yumichika that would mean a lot to me! _

_'I should be thanking you it's all thanks to you that we are still alive. I believe Ikkaku does love me. I'm going to stay alive and maybe stay in the eleventh squad with him who knows. _

"Oh good you're awake Yumichika. I've been seeing a lot of you around here." Came the soft, gentle voice of the third squad captain.

"You'll be glad to know that you'll be able to get up and around tomorrow because you have been here for the last two weeks. Also, the papers for your squad transfer were reviewed and Ukitake well gladly welcome you into his squad." To that Yumichika felt empty, because now he wanted to stay with Ikkaku.

"Thank you." Yumichika replied soberly.

"If you need anything just ask." Unohana left the room leaving Yumichika to watch Ikkaku's slow steady breathing. He got up and went over to the bed that held his dearest friend/lover whatever they were now.

"You better not die Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered as he got into the bed next to Ikkaku careful not hurt Ikkaku any further.

"I love you to much to survive another minute without you." Yumichika whispered as he fell asleep using Ikkaku's chest as a pillow.

"I love you Yumichika." Ikkaku whispered in his sleep gently wrapping on arm around Yumichika. Even in his sleep Ikkaku knew that Yumichika was next to him and needed to be kept warm.

* * *

**Well that's it I hope I didn't make to many mistakes and please review. It's been really hard not to make those to a little OOC for this.**


	10. Our happy ending!

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone that read and reviewed this story or put it in their alerts and/or favorites (you all get hugs). I thank you all and here is the last chapter which is also dedicated to koitoy for the beautiful comments. Anyhow on with the last chapter. Oh yeah I forgot to say on the last chapter Suki means beloved and Hikari means light or shining I think. **

* * *

_Ikkaku was dreaming that he was in a dark place empty of all life and alone. He could hear someone yelling out for him but he couldn't move. He felt blood trickling down his head and back. Above all that he still heard the voice and with shock he recognized it as Yumichika's and forced his body to move. He couldn't make out half the words but he did hear don't leave me and save me with a new burst of strength he headed toward the voice._

"_YUMI!! YUMI!! I"M COMING!" He cried out feeling as if he were running in place unable to help Yumichika where ever he was._

"_I coming Yumi just hang in there!" He whispered as he continued to run and run and run and run. As he got to where he had to be he felt his heart stop as he stared out in front of him and saw Yumichika bloody and a dying slowly on the ground._

"_YUMICHIKA!" He cried in alarm as he ran forward Ruri'iro Kujaku's words came to mind in a voice that echoed over and over again __He'll came Ruri'iro he'll came for me I know he will because he loves me__making him realize Yumichika had believed in him and he hadn't saved him. Them came Hozukimaru's voice __You gave him a life and it was enough for him. All he wants is to be loved and accepted for who he is, but when he showed you Yumichika felt his heart get broken by the hands of the only person he ever loved. It made him feel all alone again so he waited for you to come back for him to tell him it was okay and when you didn't he gave up. This is whats left of your Yumi. This sad man, this broken man is all that is left.__ As Hozukimaru's voice faded away he saw that Yumichika was looking at him softly and whispered sadly._

"_Oh Ikkaku I knew you'd come. I love you and I'm sorry for being so weak." Ikkaku felt a sadness opening in his heart because of those words that he didn't understand. He saw that Yumichika was in terrible pain and still even though he hadn't arrived in time Yumichika was the one that was apologizing. He held Yumichika in his arms softly and cried out for help anyone to safe his beautiful lover. When a cold voice that he now knew to be Hikari's rang out as clear as a bell in the dark world._

"_You killed him and now no one will help you." He heard the cold laughter of Hikari joined by Suki's. _

* * *

As he awoke from that horrible dream he realized that he hurt everywhere . As he tried to get up his body cried out in agony and he felt something next to him almost fall off of the bed and grabbed the warm body and pulled it next to his and on instinct pulled it closer to himself. His mind was fuzzy and he could barely register who it was. Opening his eyes to look down and found Yumichika sleeping peacefully in his arms. The moonlight shining down on his skin. _You're a moon child my love. _He smiled at the thought and almost laughed _We survived. _He kissed Yumichika's forehead and smiled. _We're still here. _With that thought in his head Ikkaku went back to sleep cradling the slighter man.

Ikkaku awoke with a start and pulled the blankets off and looked around only to find the room empty. He felt his blood freeze and his heart stop. _Where was Yumichika?? Had he killed himself? No that wasn't possible it couldn't have been the end of their month. Or had he been out that long and Yumichika gone through with his plans. _His mind continued to feed him ideas of hopelessness and of a life without Yumi to hold and love.

He heard the door open. He didn't look up as he tried to search for Yumichika all over Soul Society he usually could find Yumichika anywhere but now there was nothing. Had he just been dreaming of Yumichika sleeping next to him or was it real.

"Glad you're awoke! Third seat of the Zaraki squad Ikkaku Madarame." He looked up at the formalities and pulled away he knew that face and that voice it was Suki. She smiled at him and it was a soft smile gentle and true.

"Oh don't worry. My mission is over I have no interest in you or your friend/lover whatever he is to you. I am merely here to check on you." She smiled softly and if Ikkaku hadn't seen her fight he would have said she looked kind and gentle a healer to the bone. He distrusted her greatly but as she began to heal him he realized she was very much a capable healer.

"Why the hell are you here?!" Ikkaku asked after the silence had become unbearable .

"I was sent to see if Yumichika was a problem to my kind which he is. Far to dangerous to my and my kind but I see in him something that we elementals rarely feel or understand." Suki whispered as she continued to examine him.

"And what would that be?" Ikkaku asked gruffly as he lifted his arms so that she could she the cut that she had delivered a few inches away from his lung.

"It would be love Ikkaku. His love for you is so great that it hurts him. He would do anything for you and never ask himself if it's what he wants. It makes me want to protect him and see what well become of him." She said it happily and spun around happily. As she stopped her smiled faded and with a serious face she continued.

"But there is great pain in his heart which was once pure, but now it is very dark Ikkaku. He is losing his path and I fear for him. I wish I hadn't had to hurt him. I wish I could talk to him just for a little while and tell him that he should be happy." She said wistfully. Ikkaku realized that for all her strength the mighty Suki was no older them sixteen human years from the looks of her and she was probably wanted a human life nothing more.

"I'll ask him if he'll talk to you." He stated and watched her face fall.

"That isn't possible Ikkaku." Ikkaku felt his heart stop at those words.

"What do you mean? I saw him!! He was here!" He yelled feeling lost. As the confusion vanished he felt his chest tighten painfully as he realized Yumichika might be dead.

"He is alive... but he left and I don't think he'll ever come back." She whispered.

"N-no not my Yumi! I need him!" Ikkaku felt pain well up in his chest and looked up at Suki whose face was expressionless.

"I'm sorry." With that she left and Ikkaku hit the wall besides his bed time after time after time until his hand bled.

* * *

Suki came back a while later to check on him and heal his hand. Her face a mask of patience but he could tell that she was worry.

"Where is he?! Tell me! I need to find him!" Ikkaku dragged himself out of bed and the pain in his torso made him fall to his knees. Suki helped him up and gently helped him into bed.

"I need him Suki! Please find him!" With that Suki smiled at him.

"You too have had your own tests Ikkaku and this is one you pass. You have shown me that you care for him maybe not as much as Yumichika loves you but still it is enough." She smiled at him and Ikkaku felt his blood come to a boil at that. _She played with me. With my love for Yumichika._

"We had to make sure that you cared about him. Sis is Yumichika back from talking to Yachiru. If he is he can come in now!" Ikkaku looked out the door and saw Yumichika run into the room and jump onto the bed and hug Ikkaku tightly. Ikkaku hugged back just as tightly.

"Suki that was mean." Yumichika said pulling away from Ikkaku to look at Suki with a pout. Hikari walked in and laughed when she saw Yumichika pouting.

"You too were curious to know whether or not he cared about you." She said with a laugh.

"We'll see you sooner them you think Yumichika Ayasegawa and you too Ikkaku Madarame." They said in unison and disappeared. Yumichika got off of the bed and stood next to the it looking down at the man in it.

"Ikkaku I'll be back tomorrow I have to do somethings and them I have to move to the 13th squad barracks." Yumichika looked at him and smiled sadly as he got up and left. Ikkaku felt his heart break. _Yumi is leaving anyways. At least he'll be happier them he was with me. _He thought sadly. He was glad they had survived but had he known Yumichika would still leave him he would rather have died.

* * *

**With Yumichika**

As he headed out the door he felt his heart ache. He knew that he had to do this but it didn't mean he liked it but he needed to know if it was true. He looked up in time to see Suki and Hikari walk up to him. They both bowed to him which left him speechless for a second. Them they both huged him.

"He does love you maybe not as much as you love him." Suki said gently smiling at him and handed him a black necklace with a sort of azure gem on it as he looked closer he realized it had the kanji for hope on it.

"You can use that to call for us if you need help or want to talk to someone." Hikari explained smiling at him.

"We already packed all your stuff for you to move if you need to. Which we hope wont happen! I know that that would make you very sad." Suki sighed she already knew that Yumichika wasn't sure what to do and now he knew what might happen to him after his death. _The queen well use his powers like she has ours and make him an elemental._

"Don't worry it'll all turn out alright Yumi-chan!" They said in unison and Yumichika hoped that they were right. After all this was the only way he could find out if Ikkaku truly loved him. They smiled and slowly their figures vanished but he felt a happiness bloom in his chest and a hope for a better tomorrow.

"We'll be here for you Yumichika." Soon after the words were said they completely disappeared.

* * *

The next day Ikkaku was able to leave the hospital and walked home with Yumichika behind him. He knew that Yumichika had always walked behind him but now it made him feel stupid. He slowed down to match Yumichika's pace and walked next to him. They were silent for a long time. Until they reached the house and Ikkaku felt his chest constrict as he walked in all of Yumichika's things were packed in boxes ready to leave. He turned to Yumichika and saw fear and sadness written across that beautiful face.

"I'm not mad Yumichika." He whispered and watched as Yumichika looked at him. He was sad and about to cry.

"Don't lie Ikkaku. I'm sick of the lies. You are mad at me. You have been mad at me for so long that I have forgotten what it was like when you truly loved me." Yumichika told him and smiled at him sadly and walked of leaving Ikkaku shocked. _Have I really been that bad Yumi._

He followed Yumichika and found that all of Yumichika's kimonos were on the bed with other things that the smaller man held dear and now Yumichika picked two of them up and turned to Ikkaku with them. It was the azure kimono that he had given to Yumichika and a baby blue one that had been the first thing he ever gave Yumichika the colors were duller them when it was new that was for sure. He watched Yumichika look at them sadly. He realized they were his favorites and was shocked when Yumichika walked over to him and gave them to him. He took them shocked and looked at Yumichika.

"I thought you might want something to remember our days together by. That is the first gift you ever gave me. It has made me happy for a very long time." Yumichika said lowering his head and letting a tear escape him. As he ran a hand over the fabric. He looked up again and continued.

"And this one is the new one you gave me twenty-nine days ago. It's beautiful. I'm sorry I never wore it. I want you to have them to remember what we had together from the being to the end." Yumichika said and turned away from him as Ikkaku felt his heart break. Yumichika walked over to a box with combs in it. Ikkaku realized he had made the box and two of the five combs and given him the other three.

"I thought that this was among the sweetest things you made for me. I love it very much but I don't want them to remind me of what I'm leaving behind." Yumichika's face was now tear stained but his voice never quivered. As he handed the box to Ikkaku. He smiled softly but it was so fake and full of pain. His hands were trembling as he set the box on top of the two kimonos on Ikkaku's arms.

"I'm so sorry Ikkaku for being your burden for so long. I'm sorry I tried to keep us together when you wanted nothing to do with me and I'm sorry I wasn't a better lover." Yumichika told him and turned away from Ikkaku and started sobbing. Ikkaku watched as Yumichika's shoulder started shaking and soon the slighter body was shaking from the strain of trying not to cry but as soon as Ikkaku tried to grab him Yumichika walked back to his things. Ikkaku had realized that Yumichika was given him what he held dearest and it hurt more them words could ever describe to watch Yumichika so broken and utterly defeated. Yumichika walked over to a little box filled with necklaces and bracelets. Ikkaku knew what he was about to get and couldn't believe it. As Yumichika pulled back a gold necklace with a heart shaped locket was in his hands.

"Please Yumichika keep that!!" Ikkaku begged. He had had that made for Yumichika nearly a hundred years ago with a painting of them both in it. He himself had one that he held dear and he knew that Yumichika loved that present he had had it made for their anniversary. Yumichika smiled at him sadly and whispered no.

"This is my most precious possession Ikkaku and I want you to have it. I don't want to know about back them anymore. Ikkaku it hurts too much to know how much I have lost these last few years. I don't want you to feel guilty because I'll only remember the times we shared in Rukongai and all the happier times too." Yumichika was crying as he handed Ikkaku the necklace. Yumichika turned away from him. Ikkaku let everything fall and watched as Yumichika turned and looked at him with a hurt expression. Yumichika felt hurt that Ikkaku hadn't cared about the things he was giving him after all he had carried all of them through Rukongai from how precious they were to him. They made up part of his lost world and Ikkaku didn't seem to care about that at all.

"I don't want you to leave Yumichika! I want you to stay here with me!" Ikkaku moved to the wall where Yumichika's Ruri'iro kujaku was and picked it up. He felt pain run through his arm and almost dropped it. It had felt as if his arm were been torn off. Ruri'iro was enraged that Ikkaku dared to touch him after all the pain that he had caused his master. He took the blade out of its sheath and walked over to Yumichika. He gently took Yumichika's hands and wrapped them around the hilt.

"Yumi if I can't hold you! If I can't love you how I should have all this year them do one last thing for me...... Kill me." Ikkaku stated it as if it were a normal request and watched as Yumichika's eyes went wide with shock and his mouth opened ever so slightly in mid sentence.

"NO! I can't." Yumichika mumbled a mixture of shock and hurt ran through his eyes as he looked at Ikkaku. _I will do anything for you but that Ikkaku. I well never raise my blade __against you with the intention to kill. For I love you with every piece of whats left of my heart. Hell I wouldn't raise my sword against you even if you were about to kill me._

"Do it Yumichika. What are you afraid of? I don't want to live without you." He stated pointing Ruri'iro kujaku's blade at his heart which he noticed was trembling in Yumichika's grip. _I can't Ikkaku. Can't you see that this is hurting me, that it's breaking me. I don't want to be the one to kill you but if you ask it of me I might do it. I love you so much and whatever you want if I can deliver it them I will. Even knowing that I can't do this. I can't!_

"NO I wont do it Ikkaku. Please don't make me do this. I would never forgive myself it I did kill you." Yumichika tried to get Ruri'iro Kujaku away from Ikkaku's heart but he sense that his sword was happy, happy to know that Ikkaku might die by his blade. Yumichika stared at Ikkaku and them threw the sword to the side and ran into Ikkaku's arms. Ikkaku felt the warm hands wrap around his neck and felt Yumichika pull himself closer to Ikkaku's body.

"I can't Ikkaku. I'll do anything but I can't kill you." Yumichika whispered into Ikkaku's chest. Ikkaku smiled he had known Yumichika wouldn't kill him even if he had hoped that Yumichika would try it. He wrapped his arms around Yumichika's small waist. He heard Yumichika's soft sobs and felt the tears that were still running down his beautiful face.

"It's okay Yumichika we're still together we can start all over again." Ikkaku whispered running a hand through Yumichika's soft hair he felt Yumichika nod against his chest. They stayed like that standing in each others arms for a long time until Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku.

"Ikkaku do you love me?" Yumichika asked a look of hope written in those beautiful features.

"Yes. I love you more them you can ever imagine." Ikkaku watched as Yumichika smiled. It was a real smile filled with love and happiness.

"Thank you for everything Ikkaku. I'm so glad that you do love me." Yumichika whispered with a yawn.

"Yumichika are you tried?" Ikkaku asked as he felt Yumichika pull Ikkkaku's arms closer around himself. Yumichika smiled at him and looked up.

"A little bit. Ikkaku can you hold me like this a little longer. It makes me feel safe and loved."_ How can something so little make you feel safe and after everything I did. Is this all you wanted isn't to be loved and held gently? You really are a confusing person sometimes but that's what I love about you._

"I'll hold you as long as you want after you eat something you've lost to much weight Yumichika." Ikkaku stated pulling back to find Yumichika pouting at him. He almost laugh this was his Yumichika, this was the man that he loved. He smiled as he lead Yumichika to the kitchen and looked around to see what they could eat. Yumichika moved to the kitchen and started making some soup for them to eat. Ikkaku grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to Yumichika. Ikkaku them grabbed Yumichika and sat down with him on his lap.

"Are you still mad at me?!" Ikkaku asked looking at Yumichika who had turned his head around.

"I was never mad! I was sad and confused but I know now that you love me!" Yumichika exclaimed.

"I'm glad we're back together." With a heavy sigh Ikkaku held Yumichika closer. He was glad beyond words. He just couldn't help wondering if things would have been better if Yumichika had talked to him about it or if he hadn't gotten so mad.

"What's wrong?" Yumichika looked at him confused.

"Just wondering how things could have been different." Yumichika looked at him with a look of agreement.

"Well we know we love each other. We know that our love is true!!" Yumichika exclaimed. Smiling happily as he looked at Ikkaku with tenderness in does beautiful eyes.

"Well you said it yourself all does years ago true love never dies!" Ikkaku whispered as they got up to eat. Even though their future was uncertain they would face whatever happened when it happened together as it should be.

* * *

**Not my best work I know but that's it. On the bright side I am planing on writing a presequel to it on how this two met so look for it. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE THING!! THANK YOU FOR READING!**


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